Comments on: Answering the Rude Questions

By: Eva

Eva — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:25:11 +0000

Living in China as a white couple with 4 bio and a Chinese adopted son people often make a comment or ask why my son looks different. I just say his dad has black hair too…

By: LM

LM — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 15:18:00 +0000

The rudest question I ever received about my girls was during a funeral. My girls were 6 and had just lost a grandmother that they were very close to. Just before the funeral my girls and I had just viewed the body and had come back to sit down in the family section before other guests were invited into the room. I am sitting there weeping as my girls are both clinging to me and weeping as well. An acquaintance comes up to me and asks me “Are they Hispanic. They look Latino.” I just turned and glared at him and said “My dad was very dark”. This is true however irrelevant since my girls are adopted. Their Bio dad is Hispanic but they did not know this at the time and I didn’t think sharing new information with an almost stranger 2 inches from their sobbing heads was appropriate.

By: Sharla

Sharla — Sat, 24 Aug 2013 13:36:25 +0000

In reply to Katherine. I will have to try to remember that one in the moment. I'm sure it would be effective.

By: Katherine

Katherine — Sat, 24 Aug 2013 03:24:07 +0000

My favorite response to crazy adoption questions is…”Why do you ask?” I usually get a stare and a confused response or something like “oh, I was just wondering.” Then I usually respond back with a smile and an, “oh, I see…” And then I stand in silence until they go away or realize their question was probably inappropriate. Works like a charm every single time!!

By: Kelli F

Kelli F — Wed, 31 Jul 2013 16:42:58 +0000

Loved this. We endure these questions as well. Both of our children are African American and my husband and I are Caucasian, so we get asked all the time: Are they adopted? (I’m assuming they think they are Foster children) Our answer, “No, recessive gene!” Love the looks on their faces when they try and figure that one out. We have also responded with, “Shhhh, they are color blind and we haven’t told them yet.” Then we let them down and tell them yes, they are our children through the blessing of adoption. We figure if they are going to ask a question like that in front of our children, we can have a little fun. We really don’t mind some of the questions, as our favorite thing to do is talk about our children, but being rude and putting our children in uncomfortable situations is uncalled for, especially if there is a group of their peers around.

By: K.t.a.

K.t.a. — Thu, 09 May 2013 05:19:16 +0000

I think if someone asked me why I didn’t just have my own children I’d just say “Because I love her/him.” or “They are my own.” I used to get really mad (when I was young and not following Christ) about people having biological children. I used to say that if you wouldn’t love a child just as much regardless of their provenance, you shouldn’t have any.

By: Sharla

Sharla — Wed, 01 May 2013 04:58:41 +0000

In reply to Amy B. Thanks Amy! Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately depending on how you look at it), I've had a lot of practise with answering rude questions! I think most large families can relate.

By: Amy B

Amy B — Wed, 01 May 2013 04:30:53 +0000

This is an amazing post! Thank you for sharing so much. I haven’t adopted a child but I have six children and we get a lot of rude comments. I think I need to memorize this…

By: Arnica

Arnica — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 20:41:04 +0000

In reply to Dwana. Honestly, I am kind, but extra firm with extended family. (These questions haven't happened in years form them, but I do remember vividly!!!) After all, you are going to have to be related to them forever, one way or another. I we prepared our anwers, and were very firm with rude relatives! Most, of course, were lovely, but there is always one...

By: Arnica

Arnica — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 20:38:59 +0000

I definitely go cheesy first for well-meaning but nosy strangers, blunt for nasties, and general for people I like but aren’t close.

I have to echo the sentiment about the conversation continuing later… sometimes I even start it in front of the person, to teach them too! Or just a little further down the aisle….. (grocery shopping!! lol)