I went through exactly this experience and it is ongoing. Very complicated as my wife took my children to Israel. I got them back through The Hague but was so flustered i split custody with her and she removed them from the US again. It was all so strange I didn’t know how to think..I would like to be in touch, as fathers that go through this are not a minority but we are a minority’s in connecting and dealing with the reality of loss. I’m sill at a loss and had symptathy before, and then as on as I allowed the children to be with the mother, when the judge took away her rights, i lost all authority. I never wanted them to not be with their mother..but i was played..it’s just heartbreaking. You aren’t alone though.

Thank you for sharing this. When my daughter was 2 years old, her father did not return her from a supervised visit (his parents being the supervisors). My situation was not legally considered kidnapping, because we did not have a custody court order. He had been using crack on a daily basis at the time. It was the worst experience in my life. All I could think about and do was work on getting her back. I didn’t sleep for days. I spoke with lawyers and police officers, and was told the only way I could quickly get her back was to wait until he wasn’t physically with her, and pick her up from the people watching her. I knew this was possible, because he would eventually leave her with someone so he could go somewhere to smoke crack.

Finally, I was informed by a friend who knew him from a recovery group he used to attend she was at his parents house and he was not there.

I did not want to traumatize her with police involvement, but I knew his parents were not go to willingly give her to me. I went to the police station in his parent’s town. I provided proof she was my child. I told them he had a crack addiction and was actively using the drug. They escorted me to his parents house, and knocked on their door and told them, legally, they had to allow her to leave with me. They argued for a minute or so and then they let us all in the house. I found her napping in a bedroom. I carefully picked her up and placed her in my car. We quietly left for home. She woke up in her own bed and clung to me for days.

Years following this incident, I was in constant fear she would be taken from me again.

I hold no animosity toward his parents, because, months later, they explained they helped him because they believed the lies about my parenting he told them. They thought they had been keeping her safe. They are now involved in both our lives, and know I am a good mother. With that said, I trust them again.

I no longer hold animosity toward her father. Mostly because he is her father and is now a good dad, because he has been cleaned for 5 plus years. I don’t 100% trust him, but she is much older now and, I believe, she would not allow him to keep her against my will. Plus, she is older now and would remember being traumatized by it and he is now a good father. For years after he was clean, I still fear she wouldn’t return from her visits with him. However, I no longer fear it – thank goodness. It is a horrible feeling.

To all parents who went through a kidnapping, and who currently are – I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I hope the best for you, and (in a sense) you are not alone. May he or she return to you soon and may you recover from the trauma.

My situation is almost identical. It is almost a year since my twin sons were abducted by their mother. I have spent all my money on lawyers and doing a Hague application. I feel so confused and hurt, some days I consider suicide as the pain is almost unbearable but I cannot imagine putting my friends and family through such heart-break and never seeing my sons again.

Kiaora. My 7 year old ADHD son just today decided he was walking to school because he was frustrated with me. We’d had an argument in the morning about his morning jobs. I sat at my desk & did some work. My poor way of taking time out from our shared frustrations. He decided, for his time out, to sit in the car parked in our very safe private car park (thankfully) in our very safe residential neighbourhood (even more thankful!). He yelled, “I’m walking to school!” I thought, well, he won’t get far. So off I went to follow him…..except I couldn’t find him……anywhere…….at all. Panic. Drive around. More panic. Get my husband. Panic. School. He’s at school.

He had started walking. Then came back. My car was gone (looking for him) so he started walking again. School next door to us saw him, took him into school, rang his school, teacher picked him up. At his school. I love that school. I am entirely grateful for the responsible & aware schools in my area. I. Hated. Every. Minute. I. Couldn’t. See. Him.

It has taken me all day to calm down. It is taking me all day to calm down. I keep crying. What if? What if? I can’t think. I can’t focus on work. I can’t just get on. Worst nightmare – my son, my world. What if? The incident was bad enough but the emotional aftermath is worse – it stays with me – my fears, my uncried cries – it all stays with me – deep inside, in my heart where he lives & breathes with me. The terror. I will never ever forget what happened or could have happened today. I will never ever forget this terror.

I am so sorry Jennifer that very very few understood the aftermath for you, let alone the terror filled incident that precipitated the aftermath. I am so sorry you were left alone to deal with all of life in this. My heart cries out for you & hopes safety is an enveloping gift to you & your family – that you are all wrapped up in it & it guards you.

My hope for you, & me, is that our terror does not revisit us & we outlive all of it with our children. I’m hoping today I find peace in the aftermath, despite the uncertainties of what could be. Meanwhile I’ll just keep feeling my feelings as they visit me until peace & I become reacquainted again. Much love.