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It is critically important for our kids because it helps them understand and feel what is going on inside their bodies. 

Interoception helps kids determine:

• heart beating fast or slow
• hungry or full
• thirsty or quenched 
• hot or cold
• nauseated
• itchy
• ticklish
• breathing regulation
• emotion
• symptoms of pain or illness

Kids who have interoception challenges may also struggle with self-regulation. Seemingly simple things such as getting a drink of water when thirsty or making it to the bathroom on time are not simple when feeling thirsty or knowing that your bladder is full are sensations that are poorly developed.

It can be more difficult for these kids to recognize their emotions. Many emotions present internal signals such as racing heart for fear or excitement. When these aren’t recognized, learning to recognize the associated emotion is affected as well.

When I first began to learn about the sensory systems and how they were impacting my kids who had sensory processing challenges, interoception wasn’t yet known.

At the time, it was hard enough for me to wrap my head around words like “vestibular” and “proprioception”!

Learning about interoception years later was the key to helping me better understand one of my sons.

The 8th Sensory System 

Our youngest son struggled with challenges that I didn’t recognize as being related to sensory because he wasn’t showing the typical sensory seeking or sensory avoiding behaviours. But he seemed to have a hard time recognizing hunger and thirst and he was hot when others were cold and cold when others were hot. 

His body temperature issues often led to difficult behaviours as he felt irritable when he felt hot, which was most of the time. He often went outside in our Canadian winters without a coat or gloves on. 

His pain tolerance seemed to be off the charts. In fact, he has such a high threshold for pain that he was still playing basketball the day before his appendix almost burst.

These little quirks were quite the mystery.

I have since learned more about interoception and have a better understanding of how it affects him. I have also learned that with interoception, there can also be signs of sensory seeking or sensory avoiding, but they may be more difficult to discern than with the other sensory systems.

One way of thinking about interoception that helped me to better grasp of it is thinking of it as our body’s warning system. There are certain body sensations that lead us to discomfort, danger, or alert us to our body’s needs.

Listening to those signals allows us to rectify the issue (such as drinking when thirsty) leading to self-regulation. When a child (or adult) can’t recognize or identify those signals or is getting the wrong signals, it can cause frustration, stress, and lead to physical repercussions.

Signs your child may struggle with interoception:

• eating or drinking too little or too much
• rapid or shallow breathing
• bedwetting
• toileting accidents during the day 
• frequent bathroom visits
• delayed potty training
• incontinence or constipation
• trouble explaining illness or their symptoms such as nausea, headache, fever, chills, stomach aches, muscle aches
• unusual response to pain (pain tolerance that seems too high or too low)
• not noticing injuries
• reporting pain or discomfort often
• difficulty processing stress or emotions
• issues with self-regulation
• difficulty regulating emotions
• having “big emotions”

There is still much to be learned about interoception and research is ongoing. Early indications show that mindfulness, heavy work, and a sensory diet may be effective ways to treat issues with this sensory system.

How to Improve Interoception Awareness for Kids:

1. Teach kids about their sensory systems, their sensory preferences, and their sensory needs. A great way to do this is with the Teaching Kids About Sensory Starter Kit, specifically the My Sensory Self Workbook and the When I Feel Sensory Overload Workbook. Both of those really help students to get in touch with their own sensory needs.
2. Model talking about how you are feeling in terms of your internal body signals. “My bladder (point to where this is in your lower stomach area) feels full which means I need to pee. I had better go to the bathroom.” or “That grumble and the empty feeling in my stomach means that I’m hungry and should eat.”
3. Ask probing questions to help your child focus in on the sensations in their own body. 
4. Help improve their emotional vocabulary and awareness of their own emotions. You can do this with resources such as the Teaching Emotions Toolkit or with emotions activities.
5. Incorporate heavy work into their day. Every day.
6. Work on mindfulness. 
7. Yoga is a way for kids to get in touch with the sensations in their bodies. Kids Yoga Stories is a great place to find resources for this or you can check out Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube. 

Interoception Resources:

Sensory Processed ExplainedTeaching Kids About Sensory KitBreathing Exercises Cards for KidsYoga Cards for KidsThe Interoception Curriculum: A Step-by-Step Guide to Developing Mindful Self-RegulationInteroception: How I Feel: Sensing My World from the Inside OutMy Body Sends a Signal: Helping Kids Recognize Emotions and Express FeelingsI Feel… Something: Listening to Your Body for Kids (Social Skills for Kids, Interoception for Kids, Social Emotional Learning)

10 Interoception Activities and Strategies for Kids

I know that if you’re just hearing about this sensory system for the first time, it can feel overwhelming. But it may also feel hopeful once you realize that there may be an explanation for why your child is behaving a certain way or having certain reactions. 

When we can better understand our kids, we can better help them. 

Some other articles that can help you better understand sensory processing:

• Does my Child have Sensory Processing Disorder?
• Recognizing the Signs of Sensory Overload
• Sensory Processing Explained
• Is My Child Having a Sensory Meltdown?
• How do Sensory Systems Affect Behaviour?

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Maybe you find yourself feeling this grief too. You may feel guilty for the conflicting feelings you have. I want you to know that it’s okay to grieve.

Before you had your child, you probably had an idea of what it would be like to watch them grow up. Maybe you imagined being at their baseball games cheering from the sidelines or pictured moments snuggled up on the couch together reading a favourite story. You may even have projected things far in advance such as their wedding day or high school graduation. No doubt you also imagined what you would be like as a parent and what you would teach your child.

The dreams you had and the vision in your mind of what your family would be like probably looked quite different from how the average day plays out in your home.

And while normally, I am here to give you tools to help you better meet your child’s needs or better understand them and I’m here to help you champion your child, today, I’m here to say that it’s okay to grieve for what you thought would be and isn’t.

Do any of these apply to you?

• your child’s behaviours sometimes have you in tears
• you question your ability to adequately meet their needs
• you’ve received a diagnosis for your child
• your child rejects you
• you feel like your friends with “neuro-typical kids” just cannot understand
• you feel isolated or alone
• your home is more chaos than peace
• you sometimes think about the dream you used to have for your child
• you think about “before” your child’s illness or diagnosis and feel sadness

I need you to know that feeling these things does not make you a terrible parent. These feelings do not make you an awful person. It makes you human. It is normal to grieve the loss of something. Having a child who struggles is the loss of the dream of how you thought things would be. It’s okay to grieve that loss.

To be clear, grieving the child you thought you would have does not mean that you do not love the child that is.

Give yourself the time, space and care to be able to grieve what is a very real loss. That means allowing yourself to cry, talking to others who do understand (find those who have walked this road themselves), self-care, self-care, self-care, and possibly even going to therapy to help process and work through your emotions.

The grief doesn’t end. It comes in waves. Sometimes I’m fine for months, and then BAM, I’m a puddle of tears in the fetal position on my bathroom floor holding a chocolate bar!

Seeing my daughter grieving her hearing loss, my son not having friends to invite to his birthday party, even something like reading the posts of friends on Facebook can ignite my grief anew. The waves can build up over time or swell quickly spurred on by an event or milestone. 

I used to feel so guilty for these feelings. I felt like I had no right to be feeling sad myself when my child was the one being directly affected by their challenges.

But then I came to accept that it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings and to really feel them. It’s okay to admit that my dreams need to be different now. It’s okay to grieve.

Of course, it’s also important to push through and find those new dreams and new ways to create joy in your life and your child’s life. It’s about balance. You’re not going to be any good to anyone if you are crumpled on your bathroom floor clutching a chocolate bar every single day, but your family will survive if you go for a drive and have a good cry once in awhile.

If you’re looking for support or information, join me for a free 5 part email series, Little Hearts, Big Worries offering resources and hope for parents. 

You may also want to read:

Special Needs Mama, You Are Amazing!

12 Things That Special Needs Mom Needs from You 

Special Needs Parenting Resources 

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The combination of the background noise in there, the smell of the chlorine, the sounds of the water from the fountain and waterslide, the jets in the hot tub, the laughter and screams of all the kids, the visual overload of so many people and so much movement…I find that I can only take so much before I need a break.

What causes sensory overload?

Our society is increasingly fast paced. In many cases, places are becoming louder, more crowded, and more visually stimulating. Add in advancing technology and it’s easy to see why sensory overload occurs.

Have you ever been somewhere and suddenly, you are acutely aware of the noise or smell? It’s possible that you may have been experiencing sensory overload.

Be on the lookout for signs of sensory overload in your child. If caught in time, sensory overload doesn’t have to lead to a sensory meltdown or a fight, flight, or freeze response.

Read about the Sensory Processing Overload Signs and print them as a reference here. This will allow you to recognize them in your child.

What triggers sensory overload?

Sensory overload can be triggered by a variety of things and for most, it is actually a combination of more than one source of sensory input that causes the overload.

Here are just some of the things that can trigger sensory overload:

Visual (sight):

• bright lights or fluorescent lights
• flashing lights
• colours
• decorative displays
• busy decor
• clutter
• new places, people

Auditory (sound):

• many people talking at once
• music
• background noise such as fans, air conditioners, birds chirping, or traffic sounds
• loud noises such as alarms, sirens, screaming

Olfactory (smell):

• strong food smells
• new smells
• cleaning agents
• candles, air fresheners, or potpourri
• perfume, cologne, scented lotions, or scented hair products

Gustatory (taste):

• new flavours
• strong tastes
• flavours disliked

Tactile (touch):

• new textures
• clothing (new material or seams or tags)
• being touched
• touching an unusual or new object, person, or animal
• rain or snow or wind

Vestibular and Proprioception:

• movement such as the motion of a vehicle, rocking of a boat, swinging
• being bumped in a crowd
• spinning
• having a heavy coat on or being confined in a car seat
• change in air pressure
• jumping

Interoception:

• hunger or being too full
• thirst
• change in temperature
• needing to go to the bathroom

Tips to Prevent Sensory Overload in Children:

1. Keep your outings to a minimum for kids who are prone to sensory overload. Choose times and days when places will be less busy. Avoid crowds whenever possible. I know that not all errands can be avoided, but if your child is particularly sensitive, you may need to get groceries at times when you don’t have to bring your child with you.
2. Minimize the amount of activities you register your child for. Reports show that over-scheduling your child can actually lead to an increase in anxiety. Swimming lessons, karate class, art class, school, soccer, drama club, and other sports and arts are all wonderful for kids, but pick and choose. Be sure to leave plenty of space for free time.
3. Be aware of the environment and take steps to reduce sensory input. One example would be to have your child wear noise reducing headphones in places that are loud.
4. Talk to your child’s school about removing unnecessary visual, auditory, and olfactory (smell) distractions from the classrooms and hallways. Schools are already full of noise and colour, but thee are some things that can be minimized.
5. Smells are a sensory trigger for many kids (and adults). Don’t wear perfume or use scented lotions or hair products if you know your child is sensitive to them.
6. Maintain as predictable a schedule as possible. Ensure your child is getting adequate water, nutritious meals and snacks, and a good amount of sleep.
7. Allow extra time so that you aren’t rushing and so that you can allow for extra time for transitions.
8. Provide sensory breaks at regular intervals during the day.
9. Teach your child calming breathing techniques and have them practise them daily.
10. Provide a quiet place your child can go to when they are feeling overwhelmed by their surroundings.

Check out these other helpful articles:

How to Stop Sensory Overload from Turning into a Sensory Meltdown Recognizing the Signs of Sensory Overload in Children Sensory Meltdown Tips from Moms Who’ve Been There 

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One day while at my daughter’s therapy appointment, we visited the sensory room there and I watched her mood transform. I knew we absolutely needed one at home. I had run out of excuses and knew it was time to just do it.

(photos courtesy of Shelley of STEAM Powered Family)

What are the benefits of a sensory room?

• help a child feel safe
• engage the senses and provide sensory input (sensory diet)
• improve balance and coordination
• work on fine and gross motor skills
• support therapeutic treatment
• better manage challenging behaviours
• encourage exploration
• increase sensory experiences and tolerance
• build confidence
• increased vocabulary and communication opportunities
• improved caregiver relationship
• reset mood
• reduce stress

If you are worried that you don’t have enough room to make a sensory space, I’m going to tell you that it’s possible no matter how small your classroom or home is.

If you have no space at all to devote to a sensory area:

• make a sensory board and store it under a couch, under a bed, or behind furniture to pull out when needed.
• create a sensory box that is filled with fidgets and calm down tools.

If you have limited space to devote to a sensory area:

• make a sensory corner in your classroom, playroom, child’s room, basement, or living room.
• use a closet or storage room as the sensory room.
• convert a shed or an area of the garage.

If your concern is more the cost, I have some awesome money saving tips for you.

I know that sensory rooms can cost thousands if the equipment is all purchased. For organizations who have those funds, that is a wonderful option. For the rest of us, there are ways to create a sensory room on a budget.

See a video tour of our sensory space:

What to include in your sensory room:

I took a look at the space that I had and took into consideration my kids’ needs and their individual sensory preferences and planned the room accordingly.

Sensory Wall

I knew that I wanted to include a sensory wall. It would be a place for them to explore different textures and colours and shapes. I had looked online and seen that sensory walls easily cost hundreds of dollars. Using a cork board and a bit of imagination, I was able to create ours for under $25 plus the cost of the cork board. 

Read the full instructions on how to make your own sensory wall and get a list of other texture ideas that you can use.

Calm Down Corner

The room at my daughter’s therapy includes a fibre optic curtain corner area that she loves. The problem was that when I looked up the cost, it was nearly a thousand dollars. Yikes! But I had a vision for a calm down corner that included fibre optic lights that changed colour with a remote so that each child could choose the colour they found most soothing.

The solution? We bought these fibre optic lights and then one of my sons drilled holes in a board. He attached that board to another board and then we strung the light strands through the holes and set the board on top of a shelf so that it hangs down over the corner of the room.

I placed a bean bag chair under the fibre optic light curtain and a mermaid pillow on top of the bean bag chair. I also have a few “brain friendly” books sitting there in case one of the kids wants to read while they are in the calm down corner. There is a long mirror across from that corner. This is for two reasons. The first is that the room used to be a storage closet so it’s very small and the mirror helps it feel bigger. The second is that kids can use the mirror to monitor their breathing and facial expressions which can help them to self-regulate.

Fidget Box

I’m so in love with the box I found to hold fidgets for the room. It has all kinds of encouraging phrases on it including “Just Breathe”, “Help Others”, and “Enjoy the Journey”. It’s so perfect for this.

The box contains all kinds of fidgets including pencil toppers, Chewelry, glow in the dark sticks, stress balls, slime, putty, and lots and lots of fidgets.

Pea Pod FidgetsCuberSpeed Rainbow Ball MagicPencil Topper FidgetsMeshballsMulti Fidget PackTANGLE Original Fidget ToyMarble Fidget ToysKoosh BallsMunchables Owl Chew NecklaceMunchables Unicorn PendantChew Sensory Teether NecklaceSquishy Stress Relief Fidget

Shelf of Sensory and Calm Down Tools

I used a shelf that was already in the room and set items on top for the kids to use as needed. This includes a sound machine, the remote control for the fibre optic curtain light, a lava lamp, fibre optic lamp, plasma nebula ball, light up wand with sensory ends, liquid motion timer, and felt board.

On the felt board, I put the words “In Through Your Nose Out Through Your Mouth” as a reminder for my kids to do their calm down breathing.

Other Items in the Sensory Space:

Purple fuzzy throw rug – I bought it at WalMart.

Teal fuzzy large box with lid – This can double as a chair and it can hold books. I also put a few books on top that are designed to boost how kids see themselves.

Sensory Steppers – Kids can use these to touch, walk or stand on, or to sit on. They provide great sensory feedback.

Sensory Bin – I swap this out depending on what our current sensory bin is. You can see all our sensory bin examples here. You could also include sensory bottles or sensory bags.

Fiber Optic Curtain LightLavender Polka Dot Bean Bag ChairSensory StepperzLava LampPlasma BallFiber Optic LightLiquid Motion Bubble TimerPink Felt Letter BoardConair Sound Therapy MachineMermaid Sequin PillowLight Up Wand

Join me for a free 5 part email series Sensory Solutions and Activities that has helped thousands of people and get your Sensory System Behaviours Easy Reference Cards.

You might also like:

How to Create a Calm Down Kit for Your Child

How to Make a Sensory Wall

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It is important to note that these ages are what is typical. They by no means apply to all children. Kids who are born prematurely, have early childhood trauma, are on the autism spectrum, or other special needs will be delayed in reaching these stages.

If you have a child with delays or special needs, ignore the ages in the list and instead look for the stage your child is currently at.

The reason I share this list is to help parents and caregivers determine what stages are best for beginning to introduce emotional regulation strategies.

Keep in mind that all children are unique and may not reach milestones at the same time or even in the same order.

Social Emotional Developmental Milestones:

2 months old

• smiling
• looking at caregiver
• crying to have needs met
• sometimes self-soothing by sucking on their hands or fingers

4 months

• smiling spontaneously
• develops an awareness of their surroundings
• playing
• beginning to imitate facial expressions

6 months

• crying, smiling, or laughing in response to your emotions
• enjoys looking at their own face in a mirror
• differentiates between strangers and familiar faces

9 months

• showing stranger anxiety
• begins showing a preference for toys or comfort objects
• may cry when caregiver leaves room
• learns the meaning of a few words

12 months

• has favourite people among those known to them
• enjoys simple games like peek-a-boo
• may show fear in new situations
• may demonstrate anxiety around unfamiliar people
• imitates sounds or actions

18 months – 2 years

• more frequent temper tantrums
• asserts independence
• may get upset when not the center of attention
• may become frustrated trying to communicate
• engages in simple pretend play, imitates what adults or other children do
• engages in side by side (parallel) play with other kids
• does not understand what others think or feel

3 – 4 years

• beginning to express a wider range of emotion
• may confuse reality and make believe
• can be spontaneously kind and caring
• play with other kids in what is called cooperative play
• separates from caregiver more easily
• uses words to communicate needs
• begins to share toys
• can sometimes work out small conflicts with other children
• not usually able to articulate emotions with words
• may still have tantrums, particularly because of changes in routine or not getting what they want

5 – 6 years

• understand others’ feelings and can be sensitive towards them
• more aware of following rules
• more conversational and independent
• enjoys cooperative play with other kids
• becomes aware of their gender
• may prefer to play with peers of the same sex as them
• will test boundaries, but they are still eager to please adults and help out
• begins to experience and understand embarrassment
• understands the difference between reality and make believe

7 – 8 years

• more aware of the perceptions of others
• trying to fit in
• expanding their vocabulary including their emotional vocabulary
• begins to understand death
• may complain about friendships and the reactions of other kids
• desire to behave appropriately, but aren’t as attentive to directions
• trying to express feelings with words, but may still resort to aggression or tantrums when upset
• greater awareness of their surroundings

9 – 10 years

• concerned about rules which can lead to bossiness
• cooperative play in group games or group settings
• uses problem solving, negotiating, and compromising skills with peers
• begins narrowing their peer group down to a few close friends
• sportsmanship emerges
• may begin to withdraw from family time or conversations to develop their own identity
• are affectionate, goofy (think fart jokes and burping contests!), and curious
• can be seen as selfish, rude and contrary (this is a stage when a lot of parents will comment “where did my sweet Sally/Billy go?”
• may change emotions quickly
• can express subtle emotion

11 – 15 years

• moods and emotions are impacted by hormones
• can show empathy
• developing leadership skills
• more logical thinking
• begins to handle emotions like fear, frustration, rejection, and loneliness
• can be introspective and moody
• needs more privacy
• values the opinions of friends and others sometimes over those of family
• may test out new ideas, values, fashion styles, speech patterns, and mannerisms while trying to find where they fit in
• begins to develop personal values
• learning to make appropriate decisions to resolve peer conflict
• understanding of consequences to actions

16 – 18 years

• striving for independence
• may start emotionally distancing themselves from parents
• can be impulsive, moody, or self-centered
• may also begin to look at how they can positively impact the world
• shows pride in success
• perhaps interested in dating relationships
• may want to spend a lot of time with friends

Knowing when certain social emotional developmental milestones can be expected will help you in knowing when to focus on teaching emotion words, emotional regulation strategies, and social skills.

It’s helpful to know what expectations are reasonable. The most important thing to keep in mind is that all children develop at their own pace. These are only guidelines.

You may also find these milestone lists helpful as well:

• Fine Motor Developmental Milestones for Ages 0-6
• Developmental Milestones Chart
• Developmental Milestones Tips and Resources

You may also be interested in these articles:

Transition Strategies for Kids50 Simple Calm Down Strategies for Kids Activities to Teach Kids About Emotions 

The post Social Emotional Developmental Milestones appeared first on The Chaos and the Clutter.

Feelings Games

I love finding ways to make teaching feelings fun. Presenting a therapeutic activity as a game is a great way to help your child feel relaxed. Being relaxed is an important element to learning.

It means your child can access all of their brain instead of being in their “lizard brain” which happens when they are feeling under stress or for any other reason are in fight, flight or freeze mode.

Therapy Jenga

One of my daughters played a version of this Jenga game in therapy. I knew we could easily make our own Jenga game to play at home too. We have since invented different versions of it.

Some of my kids have an easier time talking about their feelings and past experiences than others, so I have found ways to adapt it accordingly. The key is to make sure they feel comfortable and relaxed. This will ensure that any learning is effective. It will also make it more enjoyable for everyone.

How To Make A Feelings Jenga Game:

Things To Write On Jenga Blocks

To create this Feelings Jenga Game, you will need a Jenga game.  You can use a permanent marker to write feeling words on the side of the wood blocks in the game or I have created printable feeling words that can be cut out and attached to the Jenga blocks with double-sided tape or glue.

In the printables, I have also left some blank so that you can add in any other feelings words that you would like to specifically focus on.

Click on the link to download and print >>> Jenga Feeling Words

How to Play Feelings Jenga:

Once the blocks have feeling words on them, set them up as you would in a regular Jenga game. There are two variations to the set up. You can face the words in so that you can’t see them or you can face the words out so that most of them will be visible during the game. For kids who are particularly apprehensive of not being able to see the words on the inside, you can have them do the set-up so that they know what even the few hidden words are.

First Way To Play Jenga

One way to play this Jenga game is to describe the feeling word that you pull out before placing it on top. This is a nice introductory way to play and especially good for kids who don’t have a strong emotion word vocabulary.

Second Way To Play Jenga

Another way to play Feelings Jenga is to have the person who draws the block to describe a time or experience in their life when they felt that particular emotion. You can expand on this by having them explain how they felt and how they coped with that positive or negative feeling.

For kids who are just starting this game or who are less comfortable talking about their feelings, it will be less difficult if the words are visible because then they can choose to pull feeling words that are easier for them to talk about.

As they grow more comfortable with the Feelings Jenga game and with expressing their emotions, they may reach a point where they are comfortable pulling out blocks even when they can’t see what the word will be. Let them set the pace.

If you know that this particular child is too vulnerable to be able to discuss certain emotions, it may be best to not include those words in the game the first few times you play. Ease into things at their pace.

Feelings Jenga or Therapy Jenga allows children to express their experiences and feelings in a non-threatening way. Of course, modelling is another great thing about this game because it allows you to participate and model how to talk about feelings and talk about times in your own life when you have felt those emotions.

The child you are playing with may be able to relate to those experiences and have a “me too” moment, which can be very powerful.

This game is great for communication skills, lowering anxiety and normalizing talking about emotions and life experiences, both challenging and successful.

Looking for a way to help kids learn about and manage their emotions?

I’ve put together a complete emotional toolkit full of fun printable games and activities for parents and teachers to teach kids about their feelings and how to manage them.

Click on the link>>> Teaching Emotions Toolkit

Subscribe for your free printable Jenga feelings words and you’ll also be signed up for our free 5 day email series Little Hearts, Big Worries.

More ways to teach feelings:

• The Kissing Hand Activities
• Children’s Books About Emotions
• Feeling Activities For Preschoolers
• Free Printable Emotion Faces
• How To Teach Kids Emotional Regulation

The post Feelings Jenga Game appeared first on The Chaos and the Clutter.

I held it together when the pandemic hit right as our youngest daughter was beginning to make progress in her mental health treatment program and the program was shut down and she lost all the progress she had made and regressed even further.

I held it together when a rotator cuff injury made everyday tasks hard for me to complete. I found work-arounds and smiled through the pain, unable to even sleep most nights. 

I held it together when the phone call came from the genetic clinic that our youngest daughter’s hearing loss would progress to the point of complete deafness. They had found two genetic markers, one would have been akin to a lightning strike. Two? Unheard of. But she had them both.

I could only sigh. Of course she did. 

I held it together when my husband needed surgery for a cyst that had eaten through most of his jaw bone on one side. I held my breath waiting for the results of the biopsy and was thankful when it was not cancer, but couldn’t take a minute to enjoy the moment because my kids were hurting and needed me.

I held it together when one of our teens went off the rails and for months, I walked around with that horrible pit in my stomach, worried for their life, never able to relax, and constantly wondering if there had been something I could have done to have prevented it. 

I held it together when I held my babies as they cried over the racism they have experienced and shared how affected they were by everything in the news. 

I held it together when in August, our middle daughter inexplicably was suddenly stricken with severe motor and verbal tics that took over her body and her life. I had to. I had to be the one to advocate and fight for her.

I had to be the one to fix it. She needed me.

For months I took her to specialists and doctors and naturopaths and chiropractors and hospitals. Spent hours after she was finally asleep each day researching. Day after day of holding her as she cried while her body was wracked with violent tics every single second. I begged for answers, for treatment, for something. 

They ran test after test and we were still without answers and then finally, after I insisted they try a treatment for what I suspected it was… a diagnosis.

PANS, pediatric acute onset neuropsychiatric syndrome. In simple terms, an infection had caused her immune system to begin attacking her brain. 

Treatments began. Symptoms faded and I thought that maybe I could breathe. I felt hope for the first time in months. And then another infection sent all the symptoms into hyperdrive and it felt like we were back where we started from. 

More appointments, more treatments, more medications, more research.

But while all that was going on, I still had so many other kids who needed me, who had crises or needs of their own. 

And I pushed through.

I felt the waves of grief coming and I ignored them.

I didn’t have time for that.

I was busy mama bearing 🐻  for my daughters. Advocating for my youngest daughter to have her learning needs met and her mental health needs met, advocating at the school for my son’s learning disabilities and his needs, advocating for my oldest daughter’s health (by this time, she had been taken one Saturday by ambulance from her work to the hospital for fainting spells and we were searching for answers for that as it kept happening).

I think you can see where this is going to end up. 

I tell others how important self-care is, but I didn’t feel that I had time or enough energy left to do what I needed for me. What I needed was an actual break, like a break for my brain where no new crises came in and no one needed me. And I couldn’t seem to make that happen.

So I lost it about spoons. 

You see, there was no one to get angry at about the unfairness of our daughter’s tics. No one to yell at about our other daughter going deaf or our other daughter losing her hair and having health issues. Who could I blame for the pandemic that had made all these things worse by our isolation?

So it was the spoons.

I used to have complete sets of cutlery, but over the years, my small spoons kept disappearing. I suspect it was kids and a certain husband who took them to school or field trips or work in their lunches and didn’t return them. Whatever the cause, I had plenty of large spoons, but my small spoons dwindled down further and further until there was only one left. 

One day, I decided that I really wanted small spoons to stir my tea and I treated myself to ordering new ones. I ordered 10 small spoons. To “earn” them, I had set myself a goal to achieve at work and once I had pushed forward and accomplished that, I rewarded myself by ordering my spoons.

They arrived in the mail a few weeks later and I eagerly opened the box and was greeted with 10 large spoons. 

I was so frustrated and disappointed. 

I emailed the company right away and they didn’t reply. The next day, I emailed their customer service department again and crickets. So I called them and was sent to an answering machine. I left a message. Nothing.

I sent another email. No reply.

By now, I had convinced myself that no reputable company nowadays is really that bad at customer service so perhaps I had ordered the wrong spoons. My logic said that “dessert spoons” are the small ones and that’s what I ordered, but maybe I had it wrong. 

So I somehow thought it would be a good idea to order the other spoons, the “dinner spoons” since if the dessert spoons were large, that must mean the dinner ones would be small. 

And not finding anywhere else that sold those same spoons, I ordered from the same company (you know, the one with the terrible customer service). 

I know that you might be shaking your head. But keep in mind that I have been sleep deprived for months and my brain is no longer firing on full cylinders.

A few weeks later, I opened the box that arrived and peered inside only to find 10 more of the identical spoons they had sent the time before. 

I now have 36 large spoons and 1 small spoon. 

According to their website, I will have to pay the shipping if I want to return them (even though they obviously made a mistake and shipped me the wrong spoons). I have now paid twice for spoons I already had and didn’t need more of. 

I still cannot stir my tea with a lovely small spoon. 

And this. This spoon thing is the thing that has made it so that I am no longer holding it together.

In the past day, I have cried, screamed, and not gotten out of my pyjamas. I have eaten chocolate and cried some more. Over spoons. 

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because I think this is something that moms of special needs kids sometimes do. We push ourselves and we do all the things we need to do until we just can’t do it anymore.

And that thing that sends us over the edge? It’s never the diagnosis or the bills or the medications or the work or the appointments. It’s some small thing that is seemingly nothing. 

I think in this case, the company not responding to me and not giving me back my money represents the unfairness and injustice I have felt this past year. 

The spoons themselves represent something I want (health for my children) that no matter how hard I try, I cannot have and cannot find a way to get. 

And so, I’m going to sit here and cry over the spoons. I may even in a moment I’ll likely regret later, call the company out on Twitter. I’m still debating that. I’m going to send them one last email before I resort to publicly saying their name.

Because it’s not really about the spoons. 

When we special needs parents have our breaking point about something seemingly insignificant, it’s about all the other things, the real things, the things we can’t actually break down about.

If you’re the parent of a child who’s struggling, maybe you can relate to being able to hold it together for all the hard things and then breaking down over seemingly nothing. 

I know I’m supposed to end this with some words of wisdom that can encourage you and tell you where to go from here, but I’m going to be honest. I’m still in it.

I’m still standing in the muck right now, so the best I can give you is that if you are standing in the muck too, you’re not alone. I’m knee deep in it with you.

You might find these helpful:

The Waves of Grief in Special Needs Parenting

Parenting Myth: You are Only as Happy as Your Saddest Child

The post It’s Not About the Spoons! appeared first on The Chaos and the Clutter.

Sensory Tools to Help Your Child:

Weighted Blankets

Weighted blankets serve many purposes. Here are some of the potential benefits for adults and children:

• firm, gentle pressure provides proprioceptive sensory feedback
• eases insomnia
• produces a calming effect for some who have sensory processing disorder
• lowers stress
• reduces anxiety
• improves focus in those with ADHD
• better overall quality of sleep
• helps with emotional regulation and mood
• can be used for other physical and mental health concerns such as restless leg syndrome, PTSD, autism, OCD, and fibromyalgia

A good night’s sleep is so important for us to function the next day, not to mention our overall physical and mental health. Using a weighted blanket can help you fall asleep faster, sleep longer, and wake up feeling more rested.

Weighted blankets are scientifically proven to lower blood pressure and reduce anxiety. 

It accomplishes all of these impressive things through something called deep touch pressure stimulation therapy.

What is deep touch pressure stimulation therapy?

Deep touch pressure stimulation therapy is firm but gentle pressure applied through squeezing, hugs, or holding techniques that relax the nervous system. This produces a calming, soothing effect that can lower anxiety.

This pressure can be applied with an actual hug or through the hands such as a massage or through tools or products such as weighted blankets, neck wraps, compression sheets, or specialized clothing. 

Deep touch pressure stimulation increases serotonin and dopamine, the “feel good” neurotransmitters and lowers cortisol, the stress hormone.  

The pressure of a weighted blanket in some ways recreates the feeling of a hug. Now more than ever, that is so needed. This can be so reassuring for kids who may feel anxious at night without their parent. 

When it comes to weighted sensory tools, it’s important that you get the right weight. Weighted blankets should not be used with infants and toddlers or those with certain health conditions. Consult your doctor before beginning to use a weighted blanket for yourself or your child.

Compression Sheets

Compression sheets work in much the same way as weighted blankets do. They provide firm, constant pressure in a gentle way. 

They also offer essentially the same benefits because they provide deep touch pressure stimulation.

It’s a bit like swaddling a baby. Of course, it isn’t safe to use these sheets with infants or toddlers. You want to ensure that your child can safely crawl out of the sheet themselves. 

 While the obvious benefits are improved sleep, lowered anxiety, and sensory needs being met, these can also be used during the day to calm your child if you sense that a sensory meltdown is coming on.

The Huggaroo Pouch compression sheet fits your child’s bed like a sock, open on both top and bottom but snug around. It’s smooth and stretchy, offering tactile and proprioceptive sensory feedback. It’s a great alternative to a weighted blanket for those that don’t want the heavy weight or heat of a weighted blanket.

Neck Wraps

The benefits of weighted neck wraps are again similar to those of weighted blankets. One of the nice things about neck wraps is that they are more portable, and can therefore be used at home, in school, or in other settings.

Some of my kids with sensory processing disorder have found that neck wraps help them when they need focus and concentration such as when they are writing an exam. Weighted neck wraps can be particularly beneficial for those with sensory processing disorder, autism, or ADHD. They can help reduce excessive movement and provide more focus and calming. 

I like the Huggaroo Weighted Neck Wraps. They are microwavable so they can be warmed. The combination of the proprioceptive pressure and the warmth is particularly soothing.

These are available in unscented or a subtle lavender scent which adds to the calming effect.  

You can also set them in your child’s lap so they can double as a lap pad!

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The Challenges of Wearing a Mask for Kids with Sensory Issues:

• Texture or scratchiness of the fabric
• Sensation or tightness against the face
• Smell inside the mask
• Heat and dampness inside the mask
• Pulling or tugging on the ears or at the back of the head
• Breathing out through the mouth can cause more dampness and the smell of recycled air.
• Breathing in and out through the nose can feel restrictive.
• Kids who struggle with oral sensitivities may suck on their mask, creating a wet patch. Experts say this renders the mask essentially useless.
• Difficulty reading facial expressions on others who are wearing masks, particularly for kids who have poor visual perception skills.

You’ll want to play detective by observing and asking questions to determine what specific challenges your child is having with wearing a mask or keeping it on. This information will help you be able to address those issues and find solutions. 

Tips to help kids with face masks:

Be a role model.

Wear a mask yourself and do so without complaining to your child about how much you dislike it. Our kids are watching what we do more than listening to what we say. Regardless of how you feel about mask wearing, if you know it will be required, make the best of it yourself. This will speak volumes to your child. 

Practise, practise, practise.

Before going into a situation such as a public place or school where a mask has to be worn, allow your child to practise at home. Start with short bursts of time and increase the time gradually. 

Practise with the mask when the child has a distraction such as when they are watching a movie or playing on a tablet. Some children also find it easier to practise outside as they feel less restricted and there may be less other sensory stimuli to contend with. 

Plan low risk outings as practise where you can leave if need be and where there is not a lot of other competing stimuli. 

Reduce other sensory stimuli.

Remember that no matter what mask your child wears, it will be more sensory input. Sensory overload will happen more quickly due to mask wearing. Sensory overload may lead to sensory meltdowns. You may also want to read more on preventing sensory meltdowns from sensory overload.

You can cut back on sensory overload by reducing some of the other stimuli in your child’s environment. You may also want to talk to their teacher about reducing some of the distractions in the classroom as well. 

While reducing outside sensory stimuli is helpful, you’ll also want to ensure that your child also receives enough healthy sensory input during the day. Of particular importance is getting proprioceptive input. This helps with calming and self regulation. Using a calm down kit can be beneficial for children.

Ask for their input.

Allow your child to have a say in the fabric, print, and fit of their mask. Choosing a fun print on the fabric can help kids express their unique personality. If your child is old enough, you can even let them help make their own mask. There are many patterns for no-sew masks available online. Being part of the creation can make them feel more a part of this process. 

Be sure to also listen to their feedback about what struggles they may be having with keeping the mask on to give you clues as to how best to help them adjust. You may be surprised by what you learn. This can help tremendously in coming up with solutions.

When kids feel like they have a say in choosing their mask, they are able to feel as if they are at least able to control something in a world that can feel pretty out of control. 

Offer breath mints or gum.

Breath mints, hard candies, or gum help with the smell inside the mask. Gum can also give them oral sensory feedback and proprioceptive feedback which may help prevent them from licking or sucking on the inside of their mask.

Of course, hard candies or mints can be a choking hazard, so only use this tip with older kids and those who don’t have risk factors for choking.

Give those ears a rest!

Having a mask looped around the ears can cause discomfort for anyone and that discomfort is multiplied for those with sensory issues. Ear savers allow a mask to be attached behind the head instead of around the ears.

Provide ear savers, a headband with buttons for the mask to loop around, caps with buttons or snaps for the mask to attach to, or a mask that fits around the head rather than around the ears to alleviate the tugging on the ears. 

Clear your nose.

Prior to putting on a mask, have your child clear their nose well. This can be achieved by using a Neti Pot (if they can tolerate it) or steam from the shower. Doing this will help your child feel that they can breathe easier with the mask on. 

Mask brackets for the win! 

Mask brackets are a brace that fits snugly inside your existing mask. They prevent the gagging feeling some people feel when the fabric touches their face. It also helps the nose tickling that many kids complain about. For younger children, be sure to buy a children’s size. 

Play.

Help kids get used to the idea of face masks through play. Purchase or make a matching mask for your child’s doll or stuffed animal. This can help direct their play and they can even begin to work through some of their emotions as they role play different situations for themselves and their toy in regards to wearing a mask. Invite your child to draw pictures of themselves and their family or friends wearing masks. This can help them express some of the emotions they may have about this “new normal”. 

This poster shows some beloved children’s characters wearing masks. 

Completing a mask colouring book is another hands-on activity that can promote discussion. This free I Can Wear a Mask Easy Reader booklet is another good resource to use.

Keep hands busy.

One way to help kids resist the urge to remove their mask is to give them something else to do with their hands. Provide fidgets to keep their hands busy and to get their sensory needs met.

Explain the reason behind wearing a mask.

There are some resources that can help you talk to your child about why we’re wearing masks. We Wear Masks is a video social story that explains things very simply for younger kids. Note that the video does mention not being in school and that may no longer apply in your area.

This Face Mask Social Story is a really good way to explain things to kids and address some of their related worries.

Listen and empathize.

Even if you do everything in your power to make this easier, this big change will likely cause a mix of emotions. It is going to take a lot of adjustment for kids. Be there for them. 

Be sure they know that they can share their feelings about these new rules. Acknowledge how hard this must be for them. Do not minimize their emotions. While this is something they may have to get used to doing, that doesn’t mean it will be easy and it’s okay for them to express that to you.

Create a safe place for them to say “this is hard. I feel frustrated.”

Choosing a mask:

Invite your child to be part of the decision about the type of mask they are most comfortable with.

Find a fit and fabric that your child can tolerate. Ensuring a comfortable fit will reduce the amount your child fidgets with their mask. It should fit over the mouth and nose and secure under the child’s chin. It should allow your child to breathe easily while worn. 

Mask Types:

Reusable Fabric Masks

Choose a fabric that is most comfortable for your child. Soft cotton may be the most comfortable fabric for most, but some kids may prefer seersucker, satin, or synthetic fabric. Some parents add a softer layer as a liner as this will be what touches the skin.

Allow your child to pick a fun pattern as this can help them get more excited about wearing the mask.

Some fabric masks allow you to add a filter. For one of our daughters, the flap inside for the filter insert was driving her crazy, so we sewed that flap shut. 

Disposable or Surgical Masks

Some people find that the disposable masks allow more air flow while others find them more restrictive than cloth. This is something you will have to experiment with to see what your child prefers. 

I find personally that the 3 ply surgical style masks get less hot inside than the fabric ones. However, in winter, the warmth of a cloth mask may prove quite welcome!

Masks with a Built-in Filter

Masks with a built-in filter tend to be made of a heavier material and be a bit bulkier. They may, therefore cause more distress for kids with sensory issues. If you choose to go this route, be sure your child has rest periods where they can remove the mask for a time. 

Clear Masks

One of our daughters is deaf and relies on lip reading to “hear”. As you can imagine, mask wearing, particularly by her teachers, therapists, and family members has made her life much more difficult, so we have instead used different versions of clear masks. 

Cloth masks can be sewn with a clear window using clear shower curtains or clear page protectors. My neighbour and friend sewed some for me using this clear mask pattern. 

You can also purchase clear masks or the type that are cloth with a clear window.

To keep the clear window from fogging up:

1. Add some Dawn dish soap or shaving cream.
2. Spread all over the window.
3. Allow it to sit for a time.
4. Rinse off and dry.

Face Shields 

If masks are required at your child’s school, be sure to ask about the allowability of face shields as an alternative. Our school district will only allow face shields if a mask is worn underneath. 

If your school will allow them, face shields are proven to be the easiest for those who are hard of hearing to be able to both hear and lip read and some kids find them much less restrictive than masks. You can purchase face shields in children’s sizes or adult face shields.

Neck Gaiters or Buffs and Bandanas

While many school districts do not allow the use of bandanas or neck gaiters in place of masks, some do. Again, some kids find these easier or at least more familiar to wear while others find them to be worse as they are bothered by the feel of it on their neck. It comes down to your child’s sensory preferences and what works best for them. 

This is a possible alternative option to try if you haven’t been able to find a mask that suits your child’s sensory needs.

Mask fit:

The other important consideration is the fit of the mask. Some children prefer a more snug fitting mask, while others like there to be as much space as there can be.

Some masks fit around the ears while others tie or secure behind the head. Ear Savers can make around the ear masks fit more like behind the head masks. 

Mask brackets help eliminate the side gaps and give a better overall fit.  

Safety tips:

Be sure to follow safety guidelines such as not wearing a mask for children under 2, while exercising, while eating or drinking, or when in the water. 

According to the CDC, children under age 2 or anyone who has trouble breathing, is unconscious, incapacitated or otherwise unable to remove the mask without assistance should never use a cloth face covering.

I am not a doctor or medical expert. The tips in this article are designed as suggestions to help you and your child but are not meant to replace medical or expert advise. 

What things have you found helpful when it comes to your child wearing a mask?

Enter your email below to get a free copy of the Pandemic Journal for Kids, printable pages to help them process their emotions and better express themselves. 

You may also be interested in reading:

The Complete Guide to School at Home

Surefire Signs Your Child has Sensory Issues

50 Awesomely Simple Calm Down Strategies

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