I make the drive on autopilot, having made this trip hundreds of times now. I never bother to look for empty spots as I snake my way down the parkade to “our” parking stall, the one in the corner of the lowest level. “Our” parking spot is near the stairs. Some days as we run up the six flights to the top floor, I pause to exhale a prayer of thanks. Taking the stairs is a victory for my daughter.
The first time I drove to this building, we had been discharged from the hospital, my daughter still struggling to breathe. I had begged the doctors there not to send us away, had known in my mommy gut that their assessment was wrong, that something was so terribly wrong with my baby girl.
In the hospital parking lot, I cried out to God for a miracle and He whispered a name. I called that friend and left a sobbing message on her machine. As I drove further away from the hospital, feeling more desperate with each block, I helplessly watched my daughter labour for breath in the back seat. My mind raced.
The cell phone rang. It was the friend whose name had come to mind when I had asked God for a miracle. I heard only snippets of what she was saying “best pediatric pulmonary doc…staying open past closing for you…follow my exact directions to get there…go now”.
When we arrived, her lips were again blue. The doctor was incensed but not surprised that the hospital had discharged her. He began to treat her right there in his office. He was able to accurately diagnose her and take over her future care. Some might say the doctor saved her. I know of course that it was God who saved her, God who has plans for her, God who has blessed me with her for this time.
Having a daughter with a chronic illness has caused me to rely on and trust God in ways that I never thought I could. Through it all, my daughter has taught me the power of compassion and positivity and shown me the true meaning of bravery.
Learning to rely on God in the midst of our daughter’s illness did not come easily for me. It is something that at times I still have to work on. These are the things that helped me:
Accepting that I couldn’t change the situation.
My daughter’s health was something I could not control no matter how much I wanted to or tried. Understanding that worrying constantly or being in a state of near panic did not help to bring her healing helped me to release that burden of worry over to God.
Reading His word.
The Bible talks an awful lot about fear. Reading those verses helps me not only to relinquish that fear but also to realize that for God to provide us with so many verses about it, He must understand how difficult fear is for us.
“For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)
Believing in the power of prayer.
I read books and listened to sermons and researched prayer. Then of course, I prayed. I asked others to pray. I continue to pray for a complete and miraculous healing for our daughter.
Knowing that God is the ultimate Healer.
Read verses such as Psalm 103:1-3, Matthew 14:14 and Exodus 23:25-26. Put your trust in Him.