Special Needs Parenting

Sensory Beds for Kids

It is common for children who have sensory issues to have trouble with sleep. For some, it’s trouble falling asleep (this is more common) while for others, it’s trouble staying asleep. Making changes in your child’s bedroom can make a big change. Sometimes, they may need a special sensory bed to help them sleep.

As a mom of kids with sensory challenges myself, I can tell you that improving their sleep has made a HUGE difference. Healthy sleep patterns lead to improved concentration and cognition, better moods, reduced stress, and better overall mental and physical health. Over the years, we’ve discovered some sleep solutions for sensory needs that truly work.

There are changes that can be made to bedtime routine, the sensory environment, and diet that positively impact a child’s ability to sleep even with sensory issues. You can read those suggestions here. If you have made those changes to your child’s room and nighttime routine and are still not seeing improvements, it may be time to resort to more drastic measures such as changing your child’s bed.

Begin by taking a look at their room and seeing if there are simpler changes you can make. Declutter, minimize visual and auditory distractions, and ensure that there isn’t anything bothering them in their room from a sensory standpoint.

Look for things such as:

shadows or lights
areas of clutter
unusual textures
smells
sounds
cold drafts or heat coming up through a vent

I like the suggestion here of playing a version of I-Spy with your child in their room so that you can better understand what they see and what may be affecting their ability to sleep.

When it comes to bedding, avoid busy patterns, rough or scratchy fabric, or tags.

Some children are very sensitive to any light whereas others need some light. There are some soothing night light options or you can string coloured LED lights along their ceiling (two of our kids have opted for this option and LOVE it). For kids who usually prefer the dark but are sometimes afraid, use glow sticks. They are inexpensive and give off a soft light.

Sensory Beds:

Once you’ve made the room as conducive as you can to sleep, if your child is still struggling at night, consider if making a change to their bed may be helpful. Start with the minimum which is the sheets and blankets before switching out the actual bed.

Bed Sheets:

Many kids respond well to the feeling of pressure (proprioception) that a Lycra sheet provides. You can purchase one or make your own. These stretchy sensory sheets help kids feel more secure and enable them to get their proprioceptive needs met. For many kids, this means a better night sleep.

Blankets:

In much the same way as the Lycra sheet provides proprioceptive feedback, weighted blankets can help children (and adults for that matter!) to get a better night’s sleep. I suggest trying the sheet first as weighted blankets can be expensive and are not recommended for use with very young children.

Before investing in an “official” weighted blanket, you may want to have your child try sleeping under heavier blankets that you have or borrow from friends.

My aunt made my boys thick quilts out of old jeans with another fabric on the back. Between the denim, quilting batting, and the other thick fabric, they are very heavy blankets. These worked well for us to test out which kids would benefit from having a weighted blanket.

Generally, experts recommend that a weighted blanket be 10 percent of a child’s body weight plus one pound. Always consult with your child’s doctor before using a weighted blanket. They should NEVER be used with babies or toddlers under the age of 2.

Privacy Tents:

There are many types of privacy bed tents. Some are designed for fun or play, but many are designed with sensory struggles in mind. When a child is inside a bed tent, they are able to shut out other distractions. It provides a feeling of security as well as eliminating a lot of the extraneous sensory input in the room.

If presented as a fun “campout at home” option, kids are usually excited to give the bed tent a try. Even for those who don’t like confined spaces they can work as there are some types that offer the option of keeping one side open.

Hammock or Swing:

While the thought of swinging or swaying while I sleep makes me feel nauseous, for sensory seekers, it can be just what is needed. Be sure to consult your child paediatrician before allowing your child to sleep in a swing nest or hammock.

Privacy Pop Bed Tent (Twin)Privacy Pop Up Warm Breathable PitchBlack Kids Dream Bed Tent Space Adventure Bed Canopy Hanging Swing Nest with Pillow Cotton Hammock Sensory Bed Sheet for Kids Weighted Blanket

If you’re looking for more practical strategies that work for your child’s everyday sensory needs for things like picky eating, clothing issues, difficulty regulating emotions, meltdowns, and challenging behaviours, you’ll want to read Sensory Processing Explained.
Join me for a free 5 part email series Sensory Solutions and Activities (just pop your email into the box below) and get a printable list of 175 Great Sensory Ideas.

You may also be interested in reading:

Sleep Solutions for Kids with Sensory Needs

Does my Child have Sensory Processing Disorder?

Hair Care: Tips for Kids with Sensory Struggles

The Sandwich Structure Theory

By Sharla Kostelyk

What if I told you that there is one change you could make to your parenting that could potentially make everything easier for your child? I’m guessing that you might be willing to give it a try even if it didn’t sound like all that much fun or if it went outside of your comfort zone.Sometimes the way we want to do things may not be what’s best for our child. That’s a hard realization to come to. When it first hit me that part of my parenting style was not what my child needed, it was hard to accept. Yes, it was hard because I felt guilty for not having met my child’s needs, but I’m going to be honest here and admit that that wasn’t the hardest part. The real hard part was that it meant that I was going to have to change. And change is hard.

You see, I was this fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of gal when it came to our days. I find schedules confining. While I’m a planner in most things, when it came to doing things with the kids, I was super flexible and we just kind of did whatever we felt like when we felt like it.

I was pretty strict with the whole bedtime thing because I coveted those nice, quiet evenings, but during the day, there was no set routine. We were homeschooling, so we got up when we wanted to get up, went on whatever field trips sounded interesting, ate lunch when it worked best that particular day, went to the park if it was nice outside, stayed in if it wasn’t, made crafts if the fancy struck us, read, watched TV, ran errands, sometimes threw some learning time in there. Essentially, we did what we wanted to when we wanted to.

(Of course, I’m only talking about our time. I don’t mean that our kids didn’t have rules and chores and all that good stuff. I’m just trying to paint the picture that no two days looked alike and I had no real plan. And that’s the way I liked it.)

We were basically unschoolers and while there is certainly nothing wrong with that, there came a point where that stopped working for us because…we had more kids. It wasn’t the “more” that was the issue. It was that with our older two kids, having no structure worked. They could function within that. Our subsequent kids needed structure.

It became more and more evident to me that this whole unstructured non-routine-routine was not what they needed. It may partially have been due to their personalities, but it was for sure mostly to do with their special needs and how important routine and predictability are for kids on the autism spectrum or who have FASD or ADHD or SPD etc.

I needed to take an honest look at their needs and realize that I was falling short on meeting them. Gulp. I was unintentionally hurting my kids by my lack of structure. I resisted change at first. I hoped there was another solution. But the more I watched my kids’ reactions, the more I realized what I had to do.

My kids needed routine. Maybe you’re at a point where you realize that your child does too.

Studies have proven that kids with family routines are more advanced socially and emotionally. They also help with executive functioning which is so important for success.

One of the things that reportedly causes children the most anxiety is the fear of the unknown. By creating a predictably routine to give them a solid foundation in their day, they can better handle the changes that come their way.

Even if you aren’t excited by the thought of having things more scheduled, it doesn’t have to be constricting.

I knew that it wouldn’t work to put ourselves on a strict schedule. It’s just not who we are. But we needed to find a solution. That’s how I came up with the Sandwich Structure Theory. If you’re not a planner, organizer, in the box person, you can still meet your child’s need for predictability using this method. Think of it like a triple layer sandwich. You need the bread (structure) on top, in the middle, and on the bottom. That’s what holds the sandwich together. But the beautiful thing about doing it this way is that you can fill the sandwich with whatever you want in between the layers.

That means that if you have a strong morning routine (the top bread), a plan for after school to prevent those after school meltdowns (the middle bread), and a consistent bedtime routine (the bottom bread), you change up the in betweens (sandwich fillings) and your child will be better able to cope with those changes.

By creating consistency, you create a feeling of safety for your child so that they can thrive. Being able to predict what’s coming reduces anxiety. They can function better in those unpredictable moments if they know that the main structure is solid. So if there’s a change in their school day, knowing that when they get home, that first half hour is always the same allows them to accept those other changes more easily.

Of course, some children, particularly those with special needs, require more routine than just the “bread”. For those kids, I suggest using tools such as a visual schedule. I think of those types of tools as like the mayo of a sandwich. Some people just have to have mayo on every sandwich no matter what!

And if your child needs another “piece of bread” such as always having lunchtime or naptime (for younger kids) at exactly the same time, it’s easy to add that in.

So that’s basically it. My Sandwich Structure Theory is that you create some predictable parameters in the day that never change which then allows you and your child more freedom because other things in between those times can be more loosy-goosy and the structure will still create that felt safety.

You might also be interested in reading:

Tips for Establishing an Effective Morning Routine

Ways to Use a Visual Schedule

The After School Meltdown Strategy

How to Help Your Special Needs Child Emotionally

By Sharla Kostelyk

When it comes to having a special needs child, there is one thing you are guaranteed to deal with and that is emotions. It can be hard to read emotions, hard to understand emotions, and hard to deal with emotions. If you have a special needs child and need help handling their emotions, then you may need these tips in your life.

In some ways, we think too hard about what our kids may need in the emotions department and can forget about using the simplest tools. I’m hoping these tips help remind you of all the tools you have available in helping your special needs kids emotionally.

Here are tips for how to help your special needs child emotionally:

Listen to What They Are Saying

Your special needs child needs you to listen to them. More than ever, they need someone to sit down and listen to what they have to say. This may not look the same for every family. If your child is non-verbal, help validate their emotions by giving voice to what they may be feeling.

Spend Time With Your Child

Helping your special needs kids emotionally can be so tough. One way I have found that helps a lot is by spending time with your child. It can be something as simple as sitting on the couch together. Being together allows them to know that they are important to you.

Schedule a Date Night With Your Child

One on one time with each of your kids is so important. I know that it is hard to do, especially when parenting a child with special needs, but it is worth the investment. Regular date nights will help your child more than you know even if only once or twice a year. Have this night scheduled, so your child knows that it’s going to happen. This is a great time for you and your child to get on the same level emotionally.

Teach Your Child to Express Their Emotions

Trust me, this isn’t something that happens overnight, however, it’s critical. Special needs children need to learn how to express their emotions. The first thing you need to do for this is to give them an emotional vocabulary. You can also teach your children how to express their emotions by being a good role model for them. Show them how to find a healthy outlet for expressing emotions such as listening to music, singing, talking to someone, exercising, watching a movie, and practising good self-care.

Get Outside Help

If your child is showing signs of struggling with anxiety or depression, it may be time to seek outside help. You may need to seek a counsellor, psychiatrist, or therapist to help you in this journey. Seek out someone who has experience with the type of special needs that your child has been diagnosed with.

Acknowledge Their Emotions

Our kids have BIG emotions, small emotions, and some that we can’t even understand. Don’t forget to take the time and acknowledge all of these emotions. You’d be amazed at how a little acknowledgment can help a special needs child. Let them know that their emotions matter. Validate them by validating their feelings.

Your Child Needs a Safe Environment

When it comes to our special needs kids and their emotions, they need a safe environment to release those emotions into. Any child should have an environment in which they can safely release those emotions without feeling judged. In this safe environment, they can also release these emotions without repercussions. Your home should be an emotionally safe space for them, but you can go a step further and create a calm down space or special area for them to go to when they are upset. We have a calm down corner in our sensory room that our kids can go to.

Helping our special needs kids emotionally also comes down to emotional encouragement. Your special needs child needs access to people, places, and things that encourage healthy emotions. As a special needs parent, you witness first-hand what your child is going through. Offering encouragement is the emotional equivalent of holding their hand.

If you’re looking for more tips and encouragement, join me for a free 5 part email series, Little Hearts, Big Worries offering resources and hope for parents.

You may also be interested in reading:

Activities to Teach Kids About Emotions

How Special Needs Parents Can Best Support Each Other

Spider Emotions Matching Game

14 Things Your Special Needs Teen Needs to Hear You Say

Spider Emotions Matching Game

By Sharla Kostelyk

I truly believe that children learn best through play. Learning about emotions can be especially difficult for kids, so I find it best to take the scariness out of it by making it as easy and light as possible. That’s why I’ve created games and activities to help kids learn these concepts like this Spider Emotions Matching Game.

Just like in some of the other emotions learning activities I’ve created to help kids such as our Feelings Jenga, Pirate Emotions Playdough Mats, Unicorn Emotions Kit, this was designed with the same purpose in mind.

Spider Emotions Matching Game:

Materials needed:

scissors
printed spider emotions pages (download them here)

Instructions:

Print off the pages and cut them into cards.
Set the cards out on a flat surface face down.
Each player takes a turn flipping over two cards. If the description card matches the emotion card, the player keeps both cards. If not, they place them down in the same place face down again.
The player who matches the most pairs wins.

For younger kids or kids who struggle more with identifying emotions, you can keep all the cards face up. It then becomes all about matching without the memory portion of the game being involved. The game requires kids to predict what a certain circumstance or action would cause a spider to feel, so it’s best used to reinforce the concepts in children who already have an emotional vocabulary. These spiders are adorable. This is a cute activity for Hallowe’en at home or in a classroom. It’s a nice one to have set out in a quiet corner for kids who need a calm down area or for students who have completed their other work.

Get the free printable pages for this activity be entering your email below.

You may also be interested in:

Birthday Party Emotions Playdough Mats

Jenga Feelings Game

Spider Web Slime

How Special Needs Parents Can Best Support Each Other

By Sharla Kostelyk

Having a special needs child is different for every parent. No matter what your day looks like with your child, it’s important to seek support from other special needs parents. I know you already feel depleted and may be wondering what more you can give, but offering this kind of support will give more than it takes. Trust me. You have something invaluable to offer and by blessing others, you will in turn be blessed. I get it; it can be hard to support each other as special needs parents. However, you can be supportive of each other through experience, respect, and helping one another when you can. Being a friend is one of the best ways special needs parents can support each other.

How Special Needs Parents Can Support Each Other

Be Respectful of One Another

There are going to be different opinions about what’s best for your child or how to handle certain scenarios. We won’t always agree. Even though we have a lot in common as parents of children with special needs, we may also have some different philosophies, parenting styles, values, or ways of coping with or responding to something.

Even though you may not agree completely with another parent’s perspective or choices, keep in mind that we all know our own child and our own family best. By remembering that we all love our children and are making our choices from a place of love and protection, we can ensure that we respect the other person even if we don’t always agree with everything they do or say.

Just Be There

There is so much relief that comes in having someone who understands, who “gets it”. Just be there. You don’t need to have long drawn out conversations or solve each other’s problems. Just being present and each being able to be with someone who knows what you’re going through is often enough.

Get Together

I know this may be harder with special needs kids, however, it is so important. You need to remember that you are more than just a mom (or a dad). You need to laugh and have a few moments of forgetting your worries at the door. Getting out of the house and visiting another friend is always a special time because it reminds you that you’re not alone.

Go out for coffee, see a comedy or action movie (avoid the dramas – there is likely enough of that in your reality!), try something new like yoga or a pottery class, go for a dinner that you didn’t have to make (and clean up after!), attend a concert or a wine tasting, go for a long walk, it doesn’t matter what you do, just that you go and spend time with someone who can relate to your life.

Celebrate Their Kids and Yours!

No one knows how to celebrate their children and the milestones that they achieve more than special needs parents. One way special needs parents can support each other is by celebrating their kids. Celebrate those milestones, those birthdays, and those special moments. Be the family someone else can call on to celebrate the accomplishments of their special needs kids.

Be Available to Chat When Possible

A quick text or a phone call is sometimes all the support that a special needs parent needs. Having someone that can support you on the other side of the phone is always a nice feeling. Plus, when you’re both special needs parents, you both know that you’re going to need that support. Use technology to make that connection either whether it’s Facebook Messenger, texting, FaceTime, or email, stay in touch with the people who support you.

Be What They Need

Imagine the kind of friend you need and try to be that for the other person. And allow them to be there for you when you need them to be. There will be ebbs and flows, times when you are more in crisis mode and need support and times when you can breathe and they need you to step up.

Look for the positive. But allow the occasional pity party. Bring the chocolate!

It’s hard watching your child struggle. While most of the time, it’s helpful to point out the silver lining and keep your friend focused on the positive, there are moments when it’s ok to say “yep, this stinks.”

Be Honest with Each Other

There is no worse feeling than feeling like you’re alone and you are the only one in the world experiencing something hard. When it comes to supporting other special needs parents, try to be honest with each other. Let out your real feelings and don’t be afraid to discuss the hard stuff. Holding stuff in not only doesn’t give you the opportunity to process your emotions, it also doesn’t open the door for the other person to be able to have that “me too” moment. And that “me too” moment is about as healing as it gets!

If you’re looking to connect with other parents of kids with special needs, please join us in our Facebook group, Parenting in The Chaos and The Clutter.

Join me for a free 5 part email series, Little Hearts, Big Worries offering resources and hope for parents.

You may also find encouragement with these articles:

Special Needs Mama, You are Amazing!

Why Special Needs Moms Make Great Friends

12 Things That Special Needs Mom Needs From You

14 Things Your Special Needs Teen Needs to Hear You Say

By Sharla Kostelyk

Parenting a teen through the teen years can be challenging. Our responsibility as their parent is to encourage them as much as possible. Every child needs to hear they are special as much as possible. However, your special needs teen needs to hear you say positive things more often than anyone else.

As a mom of special needs teens, it’s HARD to always be upbeat enough to want to say something positive. I’m tired. Sometimes quite frankly, it’s hard to find positive things to say.

But our teens are depending on us to help them build their confidence and self worth. It’s amazing the power a few short words can hold. While all teens need to hear these words, teens facing additional challenges need to hear them even more.

What to Say to Your Special Needs Teen

#1. You inspire me.

If your child inspires you, then you need to let them know. Your special needs teen is inspiring and it’s time that they know that! Maybe it’s the way they face the challenges they have or what they have overcome. Maybe it’s their determination or their fighting spirit. Whatever it is that inspires you about them, tell them.

#2. It’s okay to have bad days.

Some teenagers don’t realize that their parents have bad days. Talk to your teenager and let them know that everyone has bad days, even you. Hearing this from you will help them in more ways than you can even imagine.

#3. You are brave.

Getting up every day is hard. Getting up every day when you are facing additional challenges is even harder. Let your special needs teenager know that they are brave. They are so brave and they inspire you!

#4. The world is a better place because you’re in it.

What does your child bring to the world? Your special needs teenager needs to know that they make the world a better place.

#5. You are valued.

When someone tells you that you are valued, it makes you shine inside. Your special needs teen needs to know that they are valued! They need to know that what they bring to the table is so important.

#6. I love you, but I also really like you.

Who doesn’t want to be not only loved, but also liked? Liking our children is important and believe it or not, they need to know they are liked.

Liking our children isn’t always easy because kids can be a challenge. Your kiddo may have challenging behaviours or teenage mood swings. However, our kids need to know that their parents love and like them unconditionally.

#7. You are wanted.

In a world that tells a lot of children that they aren’t wanted, I want my kids to know that they are wanted. If you’re the parent of a special needs teen, then they need to know they are wanted. This simple statement can go so far.

A few weeks ago, I took my middle daughter out on a mommy-daughter date and I was telling her about the day we got the phone call she had been born and how deeply she was wanted. As I recounted details like how one of her grandmas came to our house 4 times before she arrived “is she here yet?” and other moments from that special day, she was just beaming.

#8. Our family is better for having you in it.

A family is only a family because of who is in it. Your special needs teen needs to hear that your family is BETTER for having them in it. It wouldn’t be the same without them.

#9. I love the way you look at the world.

Your special needs teenager has a unique way of looking at the world. Let them know that you see it and appreciate it!

#10. I believe in you.

Everyone wants someone to believe in them. Tell your special needs teen that you do believe in them. You believe in who they are and what they can achieve.

#11. I really like how you helped your brother or sister.

Even a teen who is non-verbal or who has limited mobility can help siblings with their smile. It can be easy to look past how helpful a child with special needs can be.

#12. You did a great job with that!

Parents are their child’s biggest cheerleader. When you see your special needs teen doing a good job, tell them how wonderful they are doing.

#13. Can I give you a hug?

Your special needs teen may need a hug, but not know how to tell you. They may feel that they are too old to ask for physical affection, but still want it. Always tell them you are up for a hug anytime!

For kids who are sensory sensitive, you can change this to a high five.

#14. I’m so proud of the young lady or young man you are growing into.

Every teenager is going to grow up, whether we choose to believe it or not. If a teen is going to grow up and be successful, then they need to have all the support they can get. Be sure they know how proud you are of who they are becoming.

Join me for a free 5 part email series, Little Hearts, Big Worries offering resources and hope for parents.

You may also be interested in reading:

The Waves of Grief in Special Needs Parenting

What That Special Needs Mom Needs from You

Why Special Needs Moms Make Great Friends