Today my Victim Impact Statement was read in a courtroom that I was not present in. At the time that it was being read, I was halfway across the country, reading my kids a chapter book in our dining room while we had a tea party complete with cute little tea sandwiches. It’s hard for me to reconcile those two things.
No one ever wants to be a victim and no parent ever wants their children to be one. In my case, I wrote my statement because while I was a victim, the real victims in this case were two of my children. As their mom, it’s up to me to stand up and represent them because they are not yet old enough to do it themselves.
The sentence in the case has been handed down and I am left wondering if any sentence would have brought closure. While certainly it can be said that the result of the court case was disappointing, I have been playing out different outcomes in my head and trying to imagine how each would feel and not one seems to take away the sting.
Now that the legal portion of this case is over, nothing in our everyday life changes. We continue to be affected daily by the behaviours and fears of our children as a result of the trauma they endured. I don’t know if there is a way to find justice for that. House arrest seems like a far cry from justice though. (her full sentence details are here)
a bit of backstory for those not familiar with our story. It’s long and complicated, so long and complicated in fact that I wrote a book about it!
But the very short version is that in 2009, the adoption agency, Imagine Adoption, that we were using for our Ethiopian adoption went bankrupt, stranding two of our kids in Ethiopia at their orphanage. The orphanage had been running out of food for at least six weeks, the staff had not been paid, there was no money for gas or medical care for the kids. Our kids had gone hungry (one small meal of a simple grain a day for six weeks), were scared and confused and when we found out, it was five months before we were supposed to get our visa to allow us to bring them home so we had to fight to get them home.
Unfortunately, the bankruptcy occurred amidst rumours of corruption and fraud, in particular by the woman at the head of the agency, Susan Hayhow. We had entrusted her with the care of our children and she used the money (ours and the money of others) to pay for personal expenses such as cosmetic surgery, luxury cars, trips, home renovations, high end clothing, and a horse. It’s hard to feel at peace with my son not getting medical attention for a serious cut on his face and our son and daughter starving when I think about those purchases.
This is a portion of the Victim Impact Statement that I gave the court in the criminal case against Susan Hayhow: (The first part of the statement dealt with specifics about our children’s ongoing therapies, trauma and the financial impact on our family so I have left that part out.)
The term “victim impact statement” is a hard one to swallow. As a parent, you want to do everything in your power to ensure that your children are never victims. Ironically, in trying to save the lives of two children in Ethiopia, I entrusted the person about whom I am now composing this victim impact statement for their safety.
My children will not be victims forever. They will be victors. We will focus on the amazing miracles that came from what could have been a far worse tragedy: the 43 children who came home to their new families and the more than one hundred who have come home since because of the determination and strength of truly amazing people who ensured that Imagine Adoption would rise from the ashes.
On behalf of my still hurting children, E. and S. I would like to say to Susan Hayhow: “I forgive you. I hope you rise above your past decisions and do something to truly pay back the families and children who were hurt by your actions. Pay us back by making a positive impact. Do not allow the suffering our children went through to be in vain. Your life is not over with this sentencing. There is still time to take what you have learned and make different choices. Choose good over evil. Choose love over hate. Choose right over wrong. Choose people over greed. Be the person we thought you were when we entrusted our precious children to you. I would like to someday be able to tell my children that due in part to their forgiveness, you have been able to move on and serve the community and that you will never hurt anyone again. Live a life worthy of that.”