Sharla Kostelyk

Social Emotional Developmental Milestones

Emotional regulation is many layered. One of the factors that comes into play is social emotional development. While this list is by no means comprehensive, I’ve put together some of the social emotional developmental milestones by age.

It is important to note that these ages are what is typical. They by no means apply to all children. Kids who are born prematurely, have early childhood trauma, are on the autism spectrum, or other special needs will be delayed in reaching these stages.

If you have a child with delays or special needs, ignore the ages in the list and instead look for the stage your child is currently at.

The reason I share this list is to help parents and caregivers determine what stages are best for beginning to introduce emotional regulation strategies.

Keep in mind that all children are unique and may not reach milestones at the same time or even in the same order.

Social Emotional Developmental Milestones:

2 months old

smiling
looking at caregiver
crying to have needs met
sometimes self-soothing by sucking on their hands or fingers

4 months

smiling spontaneously
develops an awareness of their surroundings
playing
beginning to imitate facial expressions

6 months

crying, smiling, or laughing in response to your emotions
enjoys looking at their own face in a mirror
differentiates between strangers and familiar faces

9 months

showing stranger anxiety
begins showing a preference for toys or comfort objects
may cry when caregiver leaves room
learns the meaning of a few words

12 months

has favourite people among those known to them
enjoys simple games like peek-a-boo
may show fear in new situations
may demonstrate anxiety around unfamiliar people
imitates sounds or actions

18 months – 2 years

more frequent temper tantrums
asserts independence
may get upset when not the center of attention
may become frustrated trying to communicate
engages in simple pretend play, imitates what adults or other children do
engages in side by side (parallel) play with other kids
does not understand what others think or feel

3 – 4 years

beginning to express a wider range of emotion
may confuse reality and make believe
can be spontaneously kind and caring
play with other kids in what is called cooperative play
separates from caregiver more easily
uses words to communicate needs
begins to share toys
can sometimes work out small conflicts with other children
not usually able to articulate emotions with words
may still have tantrums, particularly because of changes in routine or not getting what they want

5 – 6 years

understand others’ feelings and can be sensitive towards them
more aware of following rules
more conversational and independent
enjoys cooperative play with other kids
becomes aware of their gender
may prefer to play with peers of the same sex as them
will test boundaries, but they are still eager to please adults and help out
begins to experience and understand embarrassment
understands the difference between reality and make believe

7 – 8 years

more aware of the perceptions of others
trying to fit in
expanding their vocabulary including their emotional vocabulary
begins to understand death
may complain about friendships and the reactions of other kids
desire to behave appropriately, but aren’t as attentive to directions
trying to express feelings with words, but may still resort to aggression or tantrums when upset
greater awareness of their surroundings

9 – 10 years

concerned about rules which can lead to bossiness
cooperative play in group games or group settings
uses problem solving, negotiating, and compromising skills with peers
begins narrowing their peer group down to a few close friends
sportsmanship emerges
may begin to withdraw from family time or conversations to develop their own identity
are affectionate, goofy (think fart jokes and burping contests!), and curious
can be seen as selfish, rude and contrary (this is a stage when a lot of parents will comment “where did my sweet Sally/Billy go?”
may change emotions quickly
can express subtle emotion

11 – 15 years

moods and emotions are impacted by hormones
can show empathy
developing leadership skills
more logical thinking
begins to handle emotions like fear, frustration, rejection, and loneliness
can be introspective and moody
needs more privacy
values the opinions of friends and others sometimes over those of family
may test out new ideas, values, fashion styles, speech patterns, and mannerisms while trying to find where they fit in
begins to develop personal values
learning to make appropriate decisions to resolve peer conflict
understanding of consequences to actions

16 – 18 years

striving for independence
may start emotionally distancing themselves from parents
can be impulsive, moody, or self-centered
may also begin to look at how they can positively impact the world
shows pride in success
perhaps interested in dating relationships
may want to spend a lot of time with friends

Knowing when certain social emotional developmental milestones can be expected will help you in knowing when to focus on teaching emotion words, emotional regulation strategies, and social skills.

It’s helpful to know what expectations are reasonable. The most important thing to keep in mind is that all children develop at their own pace. These are only guidelines.

You may also find these milestone lists helpful as well:

Fine Motor Developmental Milestones for Ages 0-6

Developmental Milestones Chart

Developmental Milestones Tips and Resources

You may also be interested in these articles:

Books for Kids About Emotions

50 Simple Calm Down Strategies for Kids Activities to Teach Kids About Emotions

Butterfly Sensory Bag

By Sharla Kostelyk

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This simple butterfly sensory bag provides a calming effect for kids. The glitter makes it appealing for kids to play with. You can make it just for fun or to go along with a butterfly unit in school or homeschool.One of the things I like about sensory bags is how portable they are. While sensory bins provide more opportunity for a variety of textures and sensory experiences, sensory bags are smaller and can be taken anywhere.

Butterfly Sensory Bag:

Materials needed:

medium sized resealable bag
hand sanitizer
silver glitter
butterfly confetti in various colours
optional: duct tape

Fill the bag about half full with the hand sanitizer.
Add a fair amount of glitter. (*see note below)
Put in some butterfly confetti.
Seal the bag, taking out as much air as you can.
If younger kids are going to be using this sensory bag, take duct tape and fold it in half over each of the sides of the bag (4 pieces of duct tape total). You can even use a pretty butterfly tape.

*A note about the glitter: I usually say that there’s no such thing as too much glitter, but in this case, I may have put in a bit too much glitter! It made it hard to see the butterflies.

Mistakes don’t have to ruin your activity though. I turned it around. I told the kids that the goal was to try to find all the butterflies and count them.

Sensory benefits:

This butterfly sensory bag provides tactile (touch) and visual (sight) sensory input. When kids, squeeze, squish, and press the bag, it gives them proprioceptive sensory feedback.

Language and math skills:

A child can discuss how the bag feels (squishy, gooey, textures, etc.). They can talk about the colours of the butterflies and they can count the butterflies or sort them by colour.

Get 175 sensory activity ideas in convenient printable lists which are ideal for using in the home, classroom or in a therapeutic setting.

Some of other easy to put together sensory bags:

Squishy Shark Sensory Bag Mermaid Sensory Bag Trolls Sensory Bag

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Tactile Sensory Play with Texture Balloons

By Sharla Kostelyk

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Your kids are going to love this tactile sensory play with texture balloons. They will enjoy deciphering what is inside each one and the tactile sensory input they get. You will like how simple and inexpensive this activity is to put together. These tactile sensory balloons are a great way for sensory avoiders to experience textures without touching them directly. As an example, if your child doesn’t like the feel of water beads, you can place water beads in a balloon and they can feel the shape, squishiness, and movement of them without having to feel the wetness or gooeyness.

This activity presents learning opportunities. The guessing and matching is science. Language skills are enhanced while discussing the characteristics of each filler and when reading the cards.

How to make texture balloons:

helium balloons
popcorn seeds
hair gel or hand sanitizer
sand
dry rice
flour
marbles
optional: cards to match up with the corresponding item

Fill each of the balloons with one of the fillers (popcorn seeds, gel, sand, rice, flour, marbles) and tie in a knot at the top to close.
It can be challenging to fill the balloons. The best way I have found is to blow the balloon up first and let the air out.
Insert the end of a funnel into the top of the balloon and place the filler in the funnel. For the marbles, you’ll have to slip them in the top of the balloon one at a time.
Have the child use their senses to try to determine which filler is in each balloon.

Other ideas for items to fill your texture balloons with:

cornstarch
coffee beans or coffee grounds
water beads
water
salt
slime
playdough
whatever else your imagination can come up with

You can find printable cards for the tactile balloons in The Sensory Science Book Volume 1. You’ll also find other easy to create hands-on science activities for kids.

Discussion points:

Encourage your child to also use their auditory sense in addition to their sense of touch. Discuss how the flour and the sugar sound different in the balloon and why that might be.

For older children, you could also fill one balloon with water and another with water and then freeze the balloon so that it is filled with ice and talk about states of matter.

Join me for a free 5 part email series called Sensory Solutions and Activities (just pop your email into the box below) and you’ll also get a free sample of our Sensory Play Recipes eBook.

Other sensory science activities you may enjoy:

Sensory Sound Eggs

Nature Sensory Bottle

Jello Colour Mixing Experiment

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Birthday Cake Sensory Bin

By Sharla Kostelyk

You don’t have to wait for a birthday for the fun to begin. This birthday cake sensory bin allows for a party anytime!

Kids will love to pretend they are baking and decorating. The birthday theme is also a lot of fun. Who doesn’t love a birthday?!

Birthday cake sensory bin:

Materials needed:

1/2 cup of shampoo
2 Tablespoons of water
1 cup of flour
sprinkles
silicone cupcake molds, small cake pans, muffin tins, and small dishes for forming “cakes”
washi tape
small craft sticks (popsicle sticks)
battery operated votive candle
tissue paper in orange, yellow or red
baking dish or a plastic bin with a lid
optional: birthday cake scented candle or wax melt

Make the birthday cake dough:

Add one cup of flour, 2 Tbsp. of water and 1/2 cup of shampoo to a medium bowl.
Stir. As the ingredients start to bind together, finishing mixing with your hands.
If the dough feels sticky, you will add a little more flour, no more than 1/4 cup.
Test the dough for stickiness. If it is still sticky, add a little more flour and continue to mix until it doesn’t stick to your hands.

Make pretend candles:

You will need a length of washi tape that can cover a craft stick on both sides.
Allow the tape to slightly overlap the craft stick and place small squares of tissue paper on the top of the stick. You can layer orange and yellow tissue paper to resemble a flame.
Fold the tape up to cover the other side of the craft stick and secure the tissue paper.
Trim the edges of the tape on the sides of the craft stick using scissors.
Cut the tissue paper to resemble a flame.
You can use the play candles for other activities as well.

Assemble the birthday cake activity bin:

Pour a bottle of sprinkles in the bottom of the dish or storage container you plan to use.
Add the birthday cake dough.
Place small dishes like play food dishes, silicone cupcake molds, and small baking dishes in the bin.
Add the fake candles and a battery operated votive candle.

Sensory play benefits of this bin:

Invite your child to explore the sensory activity. They can form mini cakes or cupcakes, decorate them with sprinkles and add candles to serve birthday cake.

This is imaginative play at its finest. Children will also benefit from the sensory experiences. The squeezing together of the dough provides proprioceptive feedback. They will also be receiving visual and tactile sensory input. If you add the optional scented candle or wax melt, they will also be engaging their olfactory sensory system.

Join me for a free 5 part email series Sensory Solutions and Activities (just pop your email into the box below) and get a printable list of 175 Great Sensory Ideas.

These other sensory bins may also interest you:

Birthday Party Sensory Bin

Cloud Dough Sensory Bin

Lightweight ABC I Spy Sensory Bottle

By Sharla Kostelyk

This lightweight ABC I Spy sensory bottle provides all kinds of learning opportunities. The colours are engaging. This provides great sensory play for preschoolers.

ABC I Spy Sensory Bottle:

plastic Voss water bottle
tinsel*
ABC beads
water
Super glue, optional

*You can often find tinsel at the Dollar Store or in the party decoration section of a department store.

Directions:

Add tinsel to an empty plastic bottle with a wide mouth. There is no right or wrong amount of tinsel, but you do want to fill the bottle pretty well.
Add the alphabet beads into the bottle.
Fill the rest of the bottle with water. Using a funnel makes this part easier.
Secure the lid and play! Note: If you are intending to use this sensory bottle with small children, seal the lid with super glue before screwing the lid back on. You will need to give the super glue 15 minutes to dry before giving it to a child.

Learning Objectives:

Sensory – describe how the bottle feels (light, heavy, etc). Describe visual observations. Shake this bottle – what sounds does it make, how does the tinsel swirl, etc.

Math/Science Skills – Count the beads, observe and describe how the tinsel interacts with light, make one of these bottles without using water and make a hypothesis in how you think they will differ and then compare/contrast. Literacy – Identify the letters, name words with the same beginning sounds as you spot letters, rhyme words to the colour of the bead that starts with the letter on the bead.

Social Skills – take turns sharing the bottle. Practice phrases like “my turn”, “your turn”, “go”, and “stop”.

Fine Motor – Let kids push the tinsel into the bottle and pinch up the beads to add them into the bottle.

Language Skills – have kids use descriptive language to explain what the tinsel looks like and what they are experiencing. Practice pragmatic language for rules on how to use the sensory bottle and how to share the sensory bottle (informing, demanding, stating, and requesting).

Check out these preschool sensory bottles:

Colour Mixing Sensory Bottle Rainbow Rainfall Sensory Bottle Space Sensory Bottle

Fine Motor Sensory Activities

By Sharla Kostelyk

Fine motor sensory activities are so healthy for kids. They enable them to get that awesome sensory feedback that they need while also practising their fine motor skills.

These fine motor sensory activities can be used at home or in preschool or the classroom.

Even older kids can benefit from fine motor work. Improving fine motor skills improves hand-eye coordination which is an important skill for driving and playing sports.

Another benefit of improving fine motor skills is that it helps children understand how their body works. This is great for body awareness and self-esteem.

The activities don’t have to be complicated. Simple and done is better than intention that doesn’t happen. Just pull out some buttons and throw them in a bin with some water beads and have your child dig for the buttons. Fine motor sensory play = done!