Parenting in the Chaos

How to Talk to Kids About Coronavirus

Addressing sensitive topics such as the coronavirus can be tricky, especially if your child struggles with anxiety. These are scary times for people of all ages. Learn how to best talk to your child about the current pandemic and quarantine and help them better cope.

I know that personally, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and worried. It all seems completely surreal. I have a hard time wrapping my head around how much has changed in such a short period of time. If I’m struggling, I can only imagine what kids are thinking.

I’m going to preface this article with the reminder that this advice is coming to you parent to parent and if you have further concerns, you should consult your child’s doctor or therapist.

Children who have anxiety or who have experienced early childhood trauma and are therefore hypervigilant, pick up on the emotion and unspoken fear in a room more than other kids do. We as parents may think that we are shielding them from things when we don’t talk about something when in fact for kids like these, that is the worst thing we can do. They are already aware that something is going on and without us addressing it, they will fill in the blanks with their worst fears.

So how do we talk to them? What should we say?

Be as straightforward as you can in an age appropriate way. Talk about facts, stay away from rumours. Ask them what they’ve already heard and how they feel about it. Tell them that you will continue to talk to them openly and they do not need to be afraid of you keeping secrets from them.

They may fear that a family member has it or that they have it. It’s important that they know that if the situation changes, you will let them know. That can ease a lot of their anxiety.

Avoid turning on the news with them in the room as some of the panic that is being created such as people hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizer will only compound their worries.

Give them their own 2020 Pandemic Journal to fill out. This journal provides them an outlet for discussing their true feelings, helps them with growth mindset concepts such as gratitude and hopefulness, and helps them feel like there is something they are doing during this crisis. Discuss why there is an effort to reduce the curve of the virus by shutting down schools and large gatherings. Be direct in how this will affect them. Is their school closing down? For how long? (it’s okay to say that you don’t know but will update them when you do know) Who will watch them with the schools closed? Will you or their other parent be going to work?

When I talked to my kids about the likelihood of schools closing next week, I assured them that we had enough food to last if we were stuck at home for weeks and showed them the freezer and pantry (some of our kids went hungry prior to coming to our family, so concerns about hunger are very real to them).

I asked my kids what they had heard and what their concerns were. Some of them talked about the toilet paper shortage and I explained that we had quite a bit of toilet paper, but that if we ran out, we could use paper towel and throw it in the garbage or even use rags and wash them in a worst case scenario. That made sense to them.

One of our sons was concerned about his Oma as he had heard at school that the virus is more dangerous for older people and she is in her 80s. That’s a very valid concern and it would have done more harm to lie about it or try to minimize his feelings. So I acknowledged the risks, explained what she is doing to try to limit her chances of exposure, and dove deeper into his feelings to allow him to fully explore those.

Kids have so much uncertainty and may be afraid to ask questions. I think a question that a lot of kids have and may be afraid to even voice is “will someone I love get sick?” Address the underlying emotion behind this one.

Allow your child to grieve. Change is hard. They may need to grieve the loss of their routine, their school friends, their graduation ceremony, their dance competition, whatever it is they have lost through this situation. Validate that loss and help them move through the emotions of their grief.

I really like this video for talking to kids about the virus. It doesn’t sugar coat, but it also doesn’t catastrophize. It is in Vietnamese, but has English subtitles. The song is super catchy and gets stuck in your head for days!

Summary of how to talk to children about COVID-19:

be direct
be honest
talk specifically about ways the situation affects them and your family
ask what they’ve heard
ask how they feel
allow kids the opportunity to grieve all the changes
it’s ok to not have all the answers
repeat every day until the situation is resolved

Specific Resources to Help Kids Understand:

Demonstrating the Importance of Hand Washing – Great hands-on activity that really drives the point home.

For children who struggle with anxiety, autism, or other special needs, this Coronovirus Social Story is a wonderful (and free) resource to help guide them through.

This Outbreak Factsheet from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network has some excellent suggestions on helping children cope and also about reducing your family’s risk.

It is normal for something like this to cause additional anxiety, so it is important to spend time each day helping them talk through their emotions about this.

Resources for you to help kids work through those big feelings:

Talking to Teens and Older Kids about Coronavirus:

Teens are a tricky demographic when it comes to the pandemic. Early research shows they have mild symptoms and are at high risk of not realizing they are carrying the virus. This means they could be potentially spreading the illness while oblivious to the danger.

It’s also a very social age and that all important frontal lobe hasn’t fully developed yet so they are not as cognizant of risks. In simple terms, they feel pretty invincible.

When you combine mild symptoms for most teen carriers, an underdeveloped frontal lobe, and a strong desire for social connection, you can see why it’s especially important to help this age group grasp the gravity of the situation and the need for social distancing.

One thing that really helped one of my teen sons to change his mindset is the meme: “Your grandparents went to war to protect you. You’re being asked to sit on the couch to protect them. You can do this.”

Teens are older. Invite them into the discussion. Answer their questions with honesty. Validate how much they’ve lost. Some of them have lost graduation ceremonies, part time jobs, birthday parties, school, and all of them have lost the routines and certainties they had before the world turned upside down.

But after you’ve listened and validated, help them to understand that their actions could save lives. Because they really could.

Download your copy of the 2020 Pandemic Journal for Kids by entering your email address below.

You may also be interested in:

2020 Pandemic Journal for Kids

Your Complete Guide to School at Home

School at Home Sample Schedules

December Emotions Copywork Practise

By Sharla Kostelyk

These December Emotions Copywork practise pages allow children to work on their printing at the same time that they reinforce their knowledge of emotion words. Expanding a child’s emotional vocabulary is so important. As is showing them that talking about feelings is normal and healthy. This little pack of papers helps do both.

These printable worksheet pages help students associate the emotion word with the corresponding facial expression using adorable little Christmas trees. They are perfect for using in your classroom or homeschool. They also work well to use with your child if they need extra printing practise at home.

December Emotions Copywork Pages:

Supplies needed:

December Emotions Copywork pages (download them here)
pen or pencil OR
plastic sleeve AND dry erase marker

If you want to make the sheets reusable, laminate the pages or slip them into a plastic page protector. Students can then use a dry erase marker to complete the tracing and writing.

If these are for a one time use, give the student a pencil, crayons, coloured pencils, or markers and the printed papers.

Instructions for the student:

Read the sentence.
Fill in the outline.
Trace the dotted words.
Write the sentence on the lines provided.
Discuss the various emotions.

These worksheets can be a great jumping off point for a class discussion or a one-on-one talk about different emotions. You can further expand that exercise by having the child describe a time when they have felt that emotion or to come up with a story around why the Christmas tree might be experiencing that particular feeling.

Simply enter your email in the box below to download the November Emotions Printing Practise Worksheets. You can use it with your child at home or print it off to use with your students in the classroom.

You might also be interested in:

December My Feelings Log

Teaching Emotions Toolkit

Thankfulness Bingo Style Game

December Feelings Log for Kids

By Sharla Kostelyk

December can be full of wonderful holiday memories, but it can also carry with it a lot of worry and stress even for kids. The anticipation of Christmas, the change in routine, the extreme sensory overload, and the later nights can bring about some big emotions in kids that can be hard for them to pinpoint and even harder for them to express. That’s why this December Feelings Log for kids can be such a useful tool.

When children are able to name and express their emotions, they are better able to manage them. It’s kind of like the first line of defence when it comes to challenging behaviours.

Giving them this tool can give them a leg up in beginning to express their emotions in healthy ways. It invites the child to consider their feelings about winter break (big change in routine) and to keep a record of how they feel each day. There are cute Christmas tree emotion visuals to help them better identify and sort out their own feelings.

Keeping a daily log allows kids to examine their emotions and it gives the opportunity for parents, teachers, or therapists to see if there are any obvious patterns emerging when looking back over the log. It’s a great tool!

December Feelings Log for Kids:

Supplies needed:

printed Feelings Log (download here)
scissors
glue stick
markers, pencil crayons, or crayons
pen or pencil

I suggest you use the Feelings Log as a jumping off point. If you find there are several days in a row where your child has placed a more challenging emotion in their daily feelings log, you can use it as a conversation starter. This allows you to delve deeper into WHY they may be feeling the way they are and to come up with coping strategies together.

Perhaps have them draw how they are feeling about other events in December such as Christmas, an upcoming concert or performance, visiting relatives, or grieving the loss of a relative, pet, or friend who will not be celebrating the holidays with them this year. This can be so helpful.

Just enter your email below to download your copy of the December My Feelings Log. You can use it with your child at home or print it off to use with your students in the classroom.

Check out these other resources for helping kids with their emotions:

Teaching Emotions Toolkit

Feelings Jenga

Unicorn Affirmations for Kids Colouring Pages

The Sandwich Structure Theory

By Sharla Kostelyk

What if I told you that there is one change you could make to your parenting that could potentially make everything easier for your child? I’m guessing that you might be willing to give it a try even if it didn’t sound like all that much fun or if it went outside of your comfort zone.Sometimes the way we want to do things may not be what’s best for our child. That’s a hard realization to come to. When it first hit me that part of my parenting style was not what my child needed, it was hard to accept. Yes, it was hard because I felt guilty for not having met my child’s needs, but I’m going to be honest here and admit that that wasn’t the hardest part. The real hard part was that it meant that I was going to have to change. And change is hard.

You see, I was this fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of gal when it came to our days. I find schedules confining. While I’m a planner in most things, when it came to doing things with the kids, I was super flexible and we just kind of did whatever we felt like when we felt like it.

I was pretty strict with the whole bedtime thing because I coveted those nice, quiet evenings, but during the day, there was no set routine. We were homeschooling, so we got up when we wanted to get up, went on whatever field trips sounded interesting, ate lunch when it worked best that particular day, went to the park if it was nice outside, stayed in if it wasn’t, made crafts if the fancy struck us, read, watched TV, ran errands, sometimes threw some learning time in there. Essentially, we did what we wanted to when we wanted to.

(Of course, I’m only talking about our time. I don’t mean that our kids didn’t have rules and chores and all that good stuff. I’m just trying to paint the picture that no two days looked alike and I had no real plan. And that’s the way I liked it.)

We were basically unschoolers and while there is certainly nothing wrong with that, there came a point where that stopped working for us because…we had more kids. It wasn’t the “more” that was the issue. It was that with our older two kids, having no structure worked. They could function within that. Our subsequent kids needed structure.

It became more and more evident to me that this whole unstructured non-routine-routine was not what they needed. It may partially have been due to their personalities, but it was for sure mostly to do with their special needs and how important routine and predictability are for kids on the autism spectrum or who have FASD or ADHD or SPD etc.

I needed to take an honest look at their needs and realize that I was falling short on meeting them. Gulp. I was unintentionally hurting my kids by my lack of structure. I resisted change at first. I hoped there was another solution. But the more I watched my kids’ reactions, the more I realized what I had to do.

My kids needed routine. Maybe you’re at a point where you realize that your child does too.

Studies have proven that kids with family routines are more advanced socially and emotionally. They also help with executive functioning which is so important for success.

One of the things that reportedly causes children the most anxiety is the fear of the unknown. By creating a predictably routine to give them a solid foundation in their day, they can better handle the changes that come their way.

Even if you aren’t excited by the thought of having things more scheduled, it doesn’t have to be constricting.

I knew that it wouldn’t work to put ourselves on a strict schedule. It’s just not who we are. But we needed to find a solution. That’s how I came up with the Sandwich Structure Theory. If you’re not a planner, organizer, in the box person, you can still meet your child’s need for predictability using this method. Think of it like a triple layer sandwich. You need the bread (structure) on top, in the middle, and on the bottom. That’s what holds the sandwich together. But the beautiful thing about doing it this way is that you can fill the sandwich with whatever you want in between the layers.

That means that if you have a strong morning routine (the top bread), a plan for after school to prevent those after school meltdowns (the middle bread), and a consistent bedtime routine (the bottom bread), you change up the in betweens (sandwich fillings) and your child will be better able to cope with those changes.

By creating consistency, you create a feeling of safety for your child so that they can thrive. Being able to predict what’s coming reduces anxiety. They can function better in those unpredictable moments if they know that the main structure is solid. So if there’s a change in their school day, knowing that when they get home, that first half hour is always the same allows them to accept those other changes more easily.

Of course, some children, particularly those with special needs, require more routine than just the “bread”. For those kids, I suggest using tools such as a visual schedule. I think of those types of tools as like the mayo of a sandwich. Some people just have to have mayo on every sandwich no matter what!

And if your child needs another “piece of bread” such as always having lunchtime or naptime (for younger kids) at exactly the same time, it’s easy to add that in.

So that’s basically it. My Sandwich Structure Theory is that you create some predictable parameters in the day that never change which then allows you and your child more freedom because other things in between those times can be more loosy-goosy and the structure will still create that felt safety.

You might also be interested in reading:

Tips for Establishing an Effective Morning Routine

Ways to Use a Visual Schedule

The After School Meltdown Strategy

Why Kids Need Positive Affirmations

By Sharla Kostelyk

Kids need positive affirmations. As parents and teachers, we know the importance of children getting the nutrition, hydration, sleep, and exercise that they need. While those things are crucial for their physical survival, positive affirmations are just as important for their emotional and mental well being.

What you put into your child is what you’re going to get out of your child. If they only hear negative comments about themselves, they will actually begin to display more and more of those negative traits.

Think of how awesome you feel when someone gives you a compliment. Your children also feel that in their soul. When they’re young, they derive so much of their own identity from their parents. They are watching and listening to you even when you don’t realize it. They need you to be their biggest cheerleader.

Kids Need Positive Affirmations to Gain Confidence

A child with confidence feels as though they can take on the world. When the adults in their life are speaking powerful words into them, they feel more capable and will be more willing to take on new challenges.

Positive affirmations are more than just a trendy idea. They contribute to growth mindset and help form who your child believes they can be.

You are your child’s inner dialogue. This means they are going to believe what you have to say about them. If you say they are big, strong, and amazing, then they are going to believe just that.

Repeated Positive Affirmations Help Kids with Their Inner Dialogue

Children need to hear over and over again what makes them unique and how thankful you are that they are in the world. You are competing against a world where social media and media in general is sending them the message that they aren’t good enough. They don’t measure up.

For that reason, you need to be speaking the opposite of that often enough and powerfully enough to drown out the lies.

Our children, whether they know it or not, are looking to us to be their cheerleaders. Are you using your words to build your child up?

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner dialogue.” ~ Peggy O’Mara

You’ve probably heard this quote before, but I’d ask you to read it again and really let it sink in. Are the words that you are speaking into your child now the ones that you want them to be speaking to themselves in twenty years? It’s a sobering thought.

On the one hand, it’s daunting to consider how harmful our words can be and the pressure that is on us not to mess our kids up. The truth is, no parent is perfect. We’re all going to say things we shouldn’t. But you can counteract some of the effect of the regretful things you’ve said to your child by pouring in the positive.

It’s never too late to start.

With that, I’ll leave you with one more quote:

“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.” ~ Brooke Hampton

Speak encouraging, life giving words into your child each day. Inspire them to speak to themselves and others using similar language.

These unicorn affirmation colouring pages are an adorable and fun way to reenforce these concepts for your child. They include the following positive affirmations:

I am confident.
I am happy.
I am kind.
I am brave.
I am patient.
I am loved.
I am a good friend.
I am proud of myself.
I am safe.
I am awesome.

You can download your printable unicorn affirmation pages for kids to colour by submitting your email below.

How to Work Through Emotions with Your Toddler

By Sharla Kostelyk

Have you ever thought about how emotional your toddler can be? Toddlers are some of the most emotional creatures out there. Working through emotions with your toddler takes patience. It can help to remember that toddlers are new to this whole emotion thing and they don’t always know how to navigate those feelings, especially the big ones.

Understanding Toddlers & Their Emotions

Having emotions is a part of being human. We may not always like the emotions that are coming out of our toddler or how they are being expressed, but that doesn’t make their emotions less important. Teaching a toddler to work through their emotions is one of the best parenting moves we can make. Here is how to work through emotions with your toddler:

Acknowledge How Your Toddler Feels

As an adult, you can define your feelings. Toddlers cannot always do that. When your toddler is sad, happy, mad, or upset – help them to acknowledge those feelings. When they can start understanding how they feel, this is a big deal! Don’t try and talk them out of how they feel. Help give them the vocabulary to be able to begin to express their emotions.

Give Your Toddler Tools to Work Through Emotions

Helping your toddler through their emotions can seem like a never ending task. However, they are looking to you to help them through this time period.

You’ll need to guide them through this. For example, if your toddler is mad, give them the tools to help them express their “madness.” Let them draw or even go outside and run around. Toddlers are often too young to be able to use words effectively to express themselves, so using their bodies in ways such as dancing, miming, marching, crawling, painting, or using sensory play.

Another tool that can be helpful with young children is to use puppets, dolls, or stuffed animals to act out different scenarios and the simple emotions and responses that would go along with those emotions.

It’s vital that we give our children tools to help them express their emotions and work through them.

Talk to Your Toddler About Their Emotions

Reassure your child that it is normal and healthy to have feelings. If a toddler is feeling happy or mad, talk to them about these emotions. When someone is happy, they are usually laughing, smiling, and carefree. When a person is mad, they may have a “frownie face” and they aren’t always easy to cheer up.

By talking to your child about their emotions, they start to recognize their own emotions and they will start saying “I am so happy.” “I am sad today.” It’s an amazing feeling to watch a toddler start to understand their emotions. You can use a chart to help them identify the emotion they are feeling at that time.

Practice Patience as You Help Your Toddler with Their Emotions

Sometimes when our toddler hits someone or has a tantrum, it can invoke anger in us. As parents, it’s vital that we don’t let our toddler’s emotions become our emotions. Parenting calmly and patiently is going to teach your child more an angry reaction ever will. That’s easier said than done, but so critical.

As parents, we are the people our children will learn from the most. If we’re struggling with our own emotions, we can’t effectively help them. If you find yourself struggling with anger, frustration, or negative behaviours in response to your emotions, it’s wise to seek counselling before you try and coach your toddler with their emotions.

How Do I Help a Toddler Through Their Emotions?

Now that you have some tips for helping a toddler through their emotions, you may need a few practical ideas you can apply to the situation.

Encourage your child.
Give your child praise.
Get your child on a good routine with mealtimes and bedtimes.
Help your child know what to do when they have emotions.
Let your toddler know that it is going to be okay.

How Can I Help My Child Express Their Feelings?

Expressing emotions is important and toddlers need to know how to express theirs. Here are some tips for helping your toddler express their emotions.

Listen to them as they talk.
Let them talk about their feelings.
Help them find a way to express those emotions (painting, a sport, dancing, breathing).
Talk about different feelings and words to describe those feelings.

Working through emotions with your toddler won’t stop when they’re 2, 3, or 4. You’ll need to help your child through different emotions at different ages. However, being a toddler is difficult because they don’t always have the right words or maturity to work through emotions.

What tips do you have for helping toddlers work through their emotions?

Join thousands of other people who have found help in our free 5 part email series, Little Hearts, Big Worries offering resources and hope for parents.

You may also be interested in reading these articles:

5 Things to Say to Your Anxious Toddler

Calming Your Child’s Fight, Flight, or Freeze Response