Parenting in the Chaos

December Feelings Log for Kids

December can be full of wonderful holiday memories, but it can also carry with it a lot of worry and stress even for kids. The anticipation of Christmas, the change in routine, the extreme sensory overload, and the later nights can bring about some big emotions in kids that can be hard for them to pinpoint and even harder for them to express. That’s why this December Feelings Log for kids can be such a useful tool.

When children are able to name and express their emotions, they are better able to manage them. It’s kind of like the first line of defence when it comes to challenging behaviours.

Giving them this tool can give them a leg up in beginning to express their emotions in healthy ways. It invites the child to consider their feelings about winter break (big change in routine) and to keep a record of how they feel each day. There are cute Christmas tree emotion visuals to help them better identify and sort out their own feelings.

Keeping a daily log allows kids to examine their emotions and it gives the opportunity for parents, teachers, or therapists to see if there are any obvious patterns emerging when looking back over the log. It’s a great tool!

December Feelings Log for Kids:

Supplies needed:

printed Feelings Log (download here)
scissors
glue stick
markers, pencil crayons, or crayons
pen or pencil

I suggest you use the Feelings Log as a jumping off point. If you find there are several days in a row where your child has placed a more challenging emotion in their daily feelings log, you can use it as a conversation starter. This allows you to delve deeper into WHY they may be feeling the way they are and to come up with coping strategies together.

Perhaps have them draw how they are feeling about other events in December such as Christmas, an upcoming concert or performance, visiting relatives, or grieving the loss of a relative, pet, or friend who will not be celebrating the holidays with them this year. This can be so helpful.

Just enter your email below to download your copy of the December My Feelings Log. You can use it with your child at home or print it off to use with your students in the classroom.

Check out these other resources for helping kids with their emotions:

Teaching Emotions Toolkit

Feelings Jenga

Unicorn Affirmations for Kids Colouring Pages

The Sandwich Structure Theory

By Sharla Kostelyk

What if I told you that there is one change you could make to your parenting that could potentially make everything easier for your child? I’m guessing that you might be willing to give it a try even if it didn’t sound like all that much fun or if it went outside of your comfort zone.Sometimes the way we want to do things may not be what’s best for our child. That’s a hard realization to come to. When it first hit me that part of my parenting style was not what my child needed, it was hard to accept. Yes, it was hard because I felt guilty for not having met my child’s needs, but I’m going to be honest here and admit that that wasn’t the hardest part. The real hard part was that it meant that I was going to have to change. And change is hard.

You see, I was this fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of gal when it came to our days. I find schedules confining. While I’m a planner in most things, when it came to doing things with the kids, I was super flexible and we just kind of did whatever we felt like when we felt like it.

I was pretty strict with the whole bedtime thing because I coveted those nice, quiet evenings, but during the day, there was no set routine. We were homeschooling, so we got up when we wanted to get up, went on whatever field trips sounded interesting, ate lunch when it worked best that particular day, went to the park if it was nice outside, stayed in if it wasn’t, made crafts if the fancy struck us, read, watched TV, ran errands, sometimes threw some learning time in there. Essentially, we did what we wanted to when we wanted to.

(Of course, I’m only talking about our time. I don’t mean that our kids didn’t have rules and chores and all that good stuff. I’m just trying to paint the picture that no two days looked alike and I had no real plan. And that’s the way I liked it.)

We were basically unschoolers and while there is certainly nothing wrong with that, there came a point where that stopped working for us because…we had more kids. It wasn’t the “more” that was the issue. It was that with our older two kids, having no structure worked. They could function within that. Our subsequent kids needed structure.

It became more and more evident to me that this whole unstructured non-routine-routine was not what they needed. It may partially have been due to their personalities, but it was for sure mostly to do with their special needs and how important routine and predictability are for kids on the autism spectrum or who have FASD or ADHD or SPD etc.

I needed to take an honest look at their needs and realize that I was falling short on meeting them. Gulp. I was unintentionally hurting my kids by my lack of structure. I resisted change at first. I hoped there was another solution. But the more I watched my kids’ reactions, the more I realized what I had to do.

My kids needed routine. Maybe you’re at a point where you realize that your child does too.

Studies have proven that kids with family routines are more advanced socially and emotionally. They also help with executive functioning which is so important for success.

One of the things that reportedly causes children the most anxiety is the fear of the unknown. By creating a predictably routine to give them a solid foundation in their day, they can better handle the changes that come their way.

Even if you aren’t excited by the thought of having things more scheduled, it doesn’t have to be constricting.

I knew that it wouldn’t work to put ourselves on a strict schedule. It’s just not who we are. But we needed to find a solution. That’s how I came up with the Sandwich Structure Theory. If you’re not a planner, organizer, in the box person, you can still meet your child’s need for predictability using this method. Think of it like a triple layer sandwich. You need the bread (structure) on top, in the middle, and on the bottom. That’s what holds the sandwich together. But the beautiful thing about doing it this way is that you can fill the sandwich with whatever you want in between the layers.

That means that if you have a strong morning routine (the top bread), a plan for after school to prevent those after school meltdowns (the middle bread), and a consistent bedtime routine (the bottom bread), you change up the in betweens (sandwich fillings) and your child will be better able to cope with those changes.

By creating consistency, you create a feeling of safety for your child so that they can thrive. Being able to predict what’s coming reduces anxiety. They can function better in those unpredictable moments if they know that the main structure is solid. So if there’s a change in their school day, knowing that when they get home, that first half hour is always the same allows them to accept those other changes more easily.

Of course, some children, particularly those with special needs, require more routine than just the “bread”. For those kids, I suggest using tools such as a visual schedule. I think of those types of tools as like the mayo of a sandwich. Some people just have to have mayo on every sandwich no matter what!

And if your child needs another “piece of bread” such as always having lunchtime or naptime (for younger kids) at exactly the same time, it’s easy to add that in.

So that’s basically it. My Sandwich Structure Theory is that you create some predictable parameters in the day that never change which then allows you and your child more freedom because other things in between those times can be more loosy-goosy and the structure will still create that felt safety.

You might also be interested in reading:

Tips for Establishing an Effective Morning Routine

Ways to Use a Visual Schedule

The After School Meltdown Strategy

November Feelings Log for Kids

By Sharla Kostelyk

Thanksgiving is a time for family and friends. It’s about getting together, eating great food, and making memories. But for some kids, any holiday or change in routine can bring with it a variety of feelings. This November Feelings Log invites kids to explore their emotions about Thanksgiving, visiting relatives, and the day to day.

Keeping a daily log of feelings helps kids to examine their emotions. It also allows them and their teacher or parents to analyze any patterns they see emerging when looking back through the log.

Doing this quick daily exercise is also a great jumping off point to help kids to talk about their emotions and most importantly, get to the root of why they are feeling the way they are.

I believe in teaching emotions with as much zeal and intention as we teach reading, writing, and math. It is with that belief that I create opportunities for children to learn about emotions and to put that into practise.

I’ve put together a special Feelings Log for November (please note that it does contain two questions about Thanksgiving, so if you’re Canadian, this may be more appropriate to use with your child or student in October). It includes a writing prompt, a drawing prompt, and weekly tracking sheet of “Today I feel” along with adorable pumpkin faces to use to help them express their emotions.

November Feelings Log:

Supplies needed:

printed Feelings Log pages (download here)
scissors
markers, pencil crayons, or crayons
pencil or pen

Simply enter your email below to download a November My Feelings Log. You can use it with your child at home or print it off to use with your students in the classroom.

You may also be interested in these resources for helping kids with their emotions:

Spider Emotions Matching Game

Make Your Own Emoji Squishies

Pirate Emotions Playdough Mats

Why Kids Need Positive Affirmations

By Sharla Kostelyk

Kids need positive affirmations. As parents and teachers, we know the importance of children getting the nutrition, hydration, sleep, and exercise that they need. While those things are crucial for their physical survival, positive affirmations are just as important for their emotional and mental well being.

What you put into your child is what you’re going to get out of your child. If they only hear negative comments about themselves, they will actually begin to display more and more of those negative traits.

Think of how awesome you feel when someone gives you a compliment. Your children also feel that in their soul. When they’re young, they derive so much of their own identity from their parents. They are watching and listening to you even when you don’t realize it. They need you to be their biggest cheerleader.

Kids Need Positive Affirmations to Gain Confidence

A child with confidence feels as though they can take on the world. When the adults in their life are speaking powerful words into them, they feel more capable and will be more willing to take on new challenges.

Positive affirmations are more than just a trendy idea. They contribute to growth mindset and help form who your child believes they can be.

You are your child’s inner dialogue. This means they are going to believe what you have to say about them. If you say they are big, strong, and amazing, then they are going to believe just that.

Repeated Positive Affirmations Help Kids with Their Inner Dialogue

Children need to hear over and over again what makes them unique and how thankful you are that they are in the world. You are competing against a world where social media and media in general is sending them the message that they aren’t good enough. They don’t measure up.

For that reason, you need to be speaking the opposite of that often enough and powerfully enough to drown out the lies.

Our children, whether they know it or not, are looking to us to be their cheerleaders. Are you using your words to build your child up?

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner dialogue.” ~ Peggy O’Mara

You’ve probably heard this quote before, but I’d ask you to read it again and really let it sink in. Are the words that you are speaking into your child now the ones that you want them to be speaking to themselves in twenty years? It’s a sobering thought.

On the one hand, it’s daunting to consider how harmful our words can be and the pressure that is on us not to mess our kids up. The truth is, no parent is perfect. We’re all going to say things we shouldn’t. But you can counteract some of the effect of the regretful things you’ve said to your child by pouring in the positive.

It’s never too late to start.

With that, I’ll leave you with one more quote:

“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.” ~ Brooke Hampton

Speak encouraging, life giving words into your child each day. Inspire them to speak to themselves and others using similar language.

These unicorn affirmation colouring pages are an adorable and fun way to reenforce these concepts for your child. They include the following positive affirmations:

I am confident.
I am happy.
I am kind.
I am brave.
I am patient.
I am loved.
I am a good friend.
I am proud of myself.
I am safe.
I am awesome.

You can download your printable unicorn affirmation pages for kids to colour by submitting your email below.

How to Work Through Emotions with Your Toddler

By Sharla Kostelyk

Have you ever thought about how emotional your toddler can be? Toddlers are some of the most emotional creatures out there. Working through emotions with your toddler takes patience. It can help to remember that toddlers are new to this whole emotion thing and they don’t always know how to navigate those feelings, especially the big ones.

Understanding Toddlers & Their Emotions

Having emotions is a part of being human. We may not always like the emotions that are coming out of our toddler or how they are being expressed, but that doesn’t make their emotions less important. Teaching a toddler to work through their emotions is one of the best parenting moves we can make. Here is how to work through emotions with your toddler:

Acknowledge How Your Toddler Feels

As an adult, you can define your feelings. Toddlers cannot always do that. When your toddler is sad, happy, mad, or upset – help them to acknowledge those feelings. When they can start understanding how they feel, this is a big deal! Don’t try and talk them out of how they feel. Help give them the vocabulary to be able to begin to express their emotions.

Give Your Toddler Tools to Work Through Emotions

Helping your toddler through their emotions can seem like a never ending task. However, they are looking to you to help them through this time period.

You’ll need to guide them through this. For example, if your toddler is mad, give them the tools to help them express their “madness.” Let them draw or even go outside and run around. Toddlers are often too young to be able to use words effectively to express themselves, so using their bodies in ways such as dancing, miming, marching, crawling, painting, or using sensory play.

Another tool that can be helpful with young children is to use puppets, dolls, or stuffed animals to act out different scenarios and the simple emotions and responses that would go along with those emotions.

It’s vital that we give our children tools to help them express their emotions and work through them.

Talk to Your Toddler About Their Emotions

Reassure your child that it is normal and healthy to have feelings. If a toddler is feeling happy or mad, talk to them about these emotions. When someone is happy, they are usually laughing, smiling, and carefree. When a person is mad, they may have a “frownie face” and they aren’t always easy to cheer up.

By talking to your child about their emotions, they start to recognize their own emotions and they will start saying “I am so happy.” “I am sad today.” It’s an amazing feeling to watch a toddler start to understand their emotions. You can use a chart to help them identify the emotion they are feeling at that time.

Practice Patience as You Help Your Toddler with Their Emotions

Sometimes when our toddler hits someone or has a tantrum, it can invoke anger in us. As parents, it’s vital that we don’t let our toddler’s emotions become our emotions. Parenting calmly and patiently is going to teach your child more an angry reaction ever will. That’s easier said than done, but so critical.

As parents, we are the people our children will learn from the most. If we’re struggling with our own emotions, we can’t effectively help them. If you find yourself struggling with anger, frustration, or negative behaviours in response to your emotions, it’s wise to seek counselling before you try and coach your toddler with their emotions.

How Do I Help a Toddler Through Their Emotions?

Now that you have some tips for helping a toddler through their emotions, you may need a few practical ideas you can apply to the situation.

Encourage your child.
Give your child praise.
Get your child on a good routine with mealtimes and bedtimes.
Help your child know what to do when they have emotions.
Let your toddler know that it is going to be okay.

How Can I Help My Child Express Their Feelings?

Expressing emotions is important and toddlers need to know how to express theirs. Here are some tips for helping your toddler express their emotions.

Listen to them as they talk.
Let them talk about their feelings.
Help them find a way to express those emotions (painting, a sport, dancing, breathing).
Talk about different feelings and words to describe those feelings.

Working through emotions with your toddler won’t stop when they’re 2, 3, or 4. You’ll need to help your child through different emotions at different ages. However, being a toddler is difficult because they don’t always have the right words or maturity to work through emotions.

What tips do you have for helping toddlers work through their emotions?

Join thousands of other people who have found help in our free 5 part email series, Little Hearts, Big Worries offering resources and hope for parents.

You may also be interested in reading these articles:

5 Things to Say to Your Anxious Toddler

Calming Your Child’s Fight, Flight, or Freeze Response

Setting Up an Effective Morning Routine for School

By Sharla Kostelyk

The school year is back in session and many of us are trying to get our children out the door in the morning. I can’t even tell you how hard this is! This can be rough for kids, especially when transitioning back into a morning routine for school. They feel exhausted. Some kids have a hard time with the idea of being gone all day. You can help get your child out the door in the morning by following these tips:

Tips for Getting Your Child Out the Door in the Morning

Are you tired of fighting your child in the mornings? Morning routines can come with a lot of drama. However, there are some things you can do to take some of the stress out. You don’t have to be stuck in a rut of screaming and yelling to get your kids to listen to you. Here are some ideas for how you get your child out the door in the morning with less work on your part:

Going to Bed Earlier

According to studies, most kids are not getting enough sleep. Lack of adequate sleep can lead to problems with attention and focus, behavioural issues, drops in academic performance, and serious health issues.

You may feel as though your child can go to bed late and still wake up at a decent time. Pay attention to how your child does based on the amount of sleep they get. Experiment for a month and see if more sleep means easier mornings.

I know that an earlier bedtime can be a challenge, but on top of the health benefits, it can help them wake up feeling more refreshed in the morning. Note that it takes at least two weeks to establish a new habit, so you may not see changes right away when you implement a new bedtime. Be patient. In time, you may see that getting your kiddos out the door in the morning is easier than ever when they’ve had enough sleep.

Using Timers

Do any of your kids struggle with time management? If this is the case, then including a timer in your morning routine for school is a GREAT idea.

Some kids just need to know how much time they have. This is totally okay because each child has different motivators and using timers may work for your child in the mornings.

Instead of setting a timer for when they have to be out the door, set timers for smaller tasks such as ten minutes until their teeth need to be brushed and their face washed. Set another timer for them to “beat” for getting dressed and then another for breakfast and so on.

Visual Schedule

Visual schedules are such a great tool for kids. They allow kids to see what is coming next. They also give clear expectations about what needs to be done.

Having something visual to look at can keep kids on task, which in return can help kids get out the door in the morning.

Visual schedules were a game changer for us when it came to the kids’ morning routine. They were especially effective with our kids with special needs to break things into smaller tasks.

For a lot of kids, it’s easy to forget what they were doing if just told “get dressed”. If that same instruction is broken down into “underwear”, “pants”, “shirt”, “socks”, “shoes”, it is much easier to accomplish. But you’re busy too and don’t want to spend the morning nagging. This is where the visual schedule comes in.

Talk About Something to Look Forward to in the Day

Sometimes mornings are super rushed, which in return can take the fun out of the day. Talk to your child about something they have to look forward to in the day. Maybe you’re going to have a special lunch with them later that day. Perhaps a fun day at school is going to happen.

Giving your child something to look forward to helps them look ahead. Some children just need that excitement or that push to help them get out the door in the morning. You’d be surprised how much smoother a day can go when a child is focused on something that interests them.

Breathing Exercises

Do you have a kiddo that gets overwhelmed easily? Taking a deep breath is a great stress management tool. When your child starts getting overwhelmed or they just need a little help getting through the morning, bring out the breathing exercises.

A simple “in through the nose, out through the mouth” works if they are not yet agitated, but you may need to take a bit more time and walk them through some calm down breathing exercises.

Food

Brains don’t work well without fuel. Kids need food to function. Having them eat first instead of after they get dressed can make them do the other things on their list faster. It will also improve their mood and behaviour.

With everything happening on busy weekday mornings, it can be hard to come up with healthy breakfasts that are quick to put together or that can even be grabbed on the go in a pinch.

I like to use make ahead breakfasts so that they are in the freezer and ready to go.

Lay Out Clothes the Day Before

Sometimes kids struggle to make decisions in the morning, which can really put them behind schedule. A little trick that I learned in the start of my parenting years is to lay out clothes the day before.

This is so helpful because then the kids know exactly what they are going to wear the next day. Some of my kids even like sleeping in their school clothes the night before. This means they only have to get up, throw on some shoes, and be on their way!

Simplicity is best in some cases. As a parent, you need to know which battles are worth fighting and pyjamas are not a mountain to die on in my opinion.

If also helps to be sure that everything else is ready the night before such as backpacks, important papers, and school lunches. This small tweak in the morning routine for school will pay big dividends.

Thick Smoothies Through a Straw

This little trick of mine kills two birds with one stone. If you want to solve your kids being hungry and them being dysregulated or moody…Smoothies!

For kids who need a calming resistive sucking motion, thick smoothies through a straw is my go-to. This solves the hunger issue, the time issue, and helps keep your kiddo calm and focused. I make freezer smoothie bags ahead of time so they are fast to whip up.

Sensory Input

When mornings are stressful and you have a child that is struggling with sensory overload, focusing on sensory input can be important. Sensory input can come in a variety of forms. Throughout my years of parenting, I have found some sensory input that works great on the go.

Some of my favourites for my kids are listening to an audiobook on the way out the door. As mentioned before, straws give great oral sensory input. Send your child on a visual letter hunt in a book. This works great for kids who need visual sensory input.

Heavy work activities are a great way to start the day off regulated and calm.

Waking Up Earlier

Some kids just need extra time to get ready. One way to get kids to wake up earlier is to get them to bed earlier. You may find that your kids are easier to get out the door in the morning when they wake up earlier. This isn’t always easy, but it does work for some children.

Leave Plenty of Time

This goes along with the “waking up earlier” tip. Don’t forget to leave plenty of time for getting out the door in the morning. Try not to rush the kids with a short time period of getting ready.

Whether your kids take the bus to school or you drive them, there can be changes in timing. Note if there are reasons such as traffic, construction, or change in schedule that require you to leave the house sooner and adjust the morning routine accordingly.

I would love to hear your tips for getting your child out the door in the morning. What tips do you have to offer?

You may also find these articles helpful:

The After School Meltdown Strategy that really works

Calm Down Breathing for Kids