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Sharla Kostelyk

Traveling with a Child Who has Anxiety

Traveling with a Child with Anxiety…suggestions to make things easier on everyone.

By Sharla Kostelyk

I began writing this on the home stretch of a three week road trip with six of our kids. Two of them have anxiety disorders. While I’m certainly not a professional in this area, over the years, we’ve done a fair amount of traveling and have discovered some thing that are helpful.

Traveling with a child who has anxiety can be challenging. Hopefully some of these suggestions will help your next trip go more smoothly for your entire family!Hopefully some of these suggestions will help your next trip go more smoothly for your entire family!

Tips for traveling with a child with anxiety:

Routine.

When traveling, it is impossible to hold to the same routine that you have at home. There are aspects of the routine that you can try to keep as close to normal as possible. While you may not be able to keep mealtimes on the same timeline as at home, you can ensure that you have a snack on you at all times and set an alarm on your watch or phone so that each day at snack time, they get a little something to eat. You can do this whether you are on an airplane, in a car, on a bus, at an activity, or in a hotel room at that time of day.

Bedtimes will likely be at erratic times even if you try for them not to be. You may not have as much control over the time of this, but you can still control some of the routine that happens. If you usually have story time at home before bed, take this habit with you on the road.

On this trip, I brought a read-aloud and read one chapter a day to the kids. We also stuck to our usual bedtime routine when tucking the kids in. We asked them about their day and prayed with them before tucking them in.

Morning routines are a bit easier to stick to while on vacation. Have your child do things just as they would at home…eat breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, make bed.

Keeping as much routine as you can will help lower anxiety and keep some sense of normalcy while your child is away from their usual environment.

Bring comfort items.

Be sure to bring a few things from home that your child considers comfort items. These are most often items such as a blanket or a special stuffed animal.

I also bring some items from our daughter’s anti-anxiety kit such as her relaxation prompts and sound therapy machine. I keep things like fidget toys handy at all times. We keep several of our homemade sensory balls in the vehicle for road trips.

Preparation.

The more prepared a child is for a situation, the more in control they will feel most of the time. It is often the unknown that contributes to higher levels of anxiety. Just as you would give warning at home before a change in activity to prepare them, it is wise to do this while traveling.

I suggest starting as far in advance of the trip as you can. While not all of our trip was mapped out before we left, I took all the places I knew we would be going to for sure and wrote them onto calendars for my kids. We then researched those places. I showed them pictures of each of the attractions we would be going to and gave them the chance to ask any questions they had.

An example would be that in San Francisco, we were planning to visit Alcatraz. I showed them pictures of Alcatraz on the computer, showed them pictures of their dad and I in Alcatraz in a scrapbook (this made it seem much safer to them). I explained that in order to get to it, we would have to take a short ferry ride. I answered their questions about all aspects of that activity.

Travel with a Child with AnxietyA common question that our youngest daughter had about many of the activities I prepared her for was if we might lose her there in the crowd. I gave her an answer specific to that location. An example is that at Disneyland, the staff always asks how many people there are in your party so that they can get you on the ride at the same time and you don’t get separated. We also chose a meeting place for every location that we visited.

Communication.

I tried to do a check-in each day on our trip of how the kids were feeling. The days that we got in too late for that to happen, we usually paid for it the next day, so I would say that communication is key.

We prepared them for what the day following would hold and then debriefed about the day we had just finished and shared any worries they had for the following day.

Anticipate meltdowns.

No matter how much you try to prepare and communicate, there will still likely be meltdowns and fight or flight moments when taking a child who suffers from anxiety into a different environment and out of their routine.

Watch their cues. You more than likely will have some idea that a meltdown is coming before it occurs and you may be able to head it off at the pass. Try these suggestions:

  • redirect
  • avoid triggers
  • feed regularly
  • plenty of sleep
  • if they feel a lack of control=give choices

Join me for a free 5 part email series, Little Hearts, Big Worries offering resources and hope for parents.

 

Filed Under: Adoption, Parenting in the Chaos, Special Needs Parenting

100 Gluten Free Snack Ideas

100 Gluten Free Snack Ideas perfect for kids

By Sharla Kostelyk

I’ve written about this before because it has been one of the hardest things to adjust to since having a child who is on a gluten free diet. Breakfasts are fairly easy to accommodate, as are lunch and supper, but the snacks and treats I run into trouble with.

I need ideas of things that we can grab quickly or bring with us when we go out. Also, my son is growing like a weed and like any growing boy, he is hungry almost all of the time!

100 Gluten Free Snack Ideas perfect for kids

I have been adding to my list of gluten free snack ideas over time and have made it into a printable list. I find that having the list somewhere prominent like my fridge helps jog my memory. That way, I can refer to it whenever I’m stuck to think of what to include in the kids lunches or offer for after school snacks.

Gluten Free Snack Ideas:

  • carrots, cucumbers, celery
  • carrots with honey mustard dip
  • apples
  • rice crackers and cheese
  • gluten free snack mix
  • rice crackers and hummus
  • apples and caramel
  • frozen grapes
  • sweet potato fries (homemade or by Alexia)
  • sunflower seeds or pumpkin seeds
  • peanut butter, hummus, or baba ghanouj on rice cakes
  • oranges
  • salsa and tortilla chips
  • guacamole and tortilla chips
  • hard boiled eggs
  • popcorn
  • popsicles
  • raisins or craisins
  • cream cheese on a rice cake, topped with jam
  • pudding
  • jello
  • gluten free Chex mix
  • Glutino pretzels
  • trail mix (Gorilla Munch, mini marshmallows, raisins, sunflower seeds, nuts)
  • pickles
  • chocolate milk
  • gluten free rice krispie squares (these can be made ahead, cut up, and frozen)
  • peppers
  • pineapple
  • cottage cheese
  • zucchini
  • gluten free cookies
  • applesauce
  • homemade lunchables (gluten free sausage, cheese, rice crackers)
  • gluten free pumpkin muffins
  • bananas
  • snap peas
  • broccoli or cauliflower with dip
  • yogourt or frozen yogourt
  • tzatziki with red peppers
  • garbanzo beans
  • fruit leather
  • gluten free luncheon meat rolled up in lettuce
  • pickled asparagus, carrots, or jarred olives
  • kiwi, cantaloupe, honeydew, strawberries, grapes, cherries
  • frozen berries
  • fruit salad
  • Sensible Portions Veggie Straws or Veggie Chips
  • Surprise Spread with tortilla chips or rice crackers
  • gluten free mini muffins made ahead and frozen
  • gluten free cinnamon buns
  • Muddy Buddies made with gf Chex
  • dried mangoes or pineapple
  • quesadillas made with gf tortillas
  • kale chips
  • apple sandwiches – spread apple slice with peanut or almond butter, sprinkle with gf granola, raisins, coconut, chocolate chips, or mini marshmallows and top with another apple slice
  • smoothies
  • fruit kabob
  • ants on a log – celery stick filled with peanut butter, almond butter or cream cheese and topped with raisins
  • frozen yogourt made either by freezing drops on a cookie sheet or by filling fun shaped ice cube containers and freezing them
  • snow ice cream
  • dry gf cereal
  • Udi’s gf granola on yogourt or applesauce
  • pickled beets, carrots, beans or asparagus
  • fruit salad
  • frozen yogourt dipped strawberries or blueberries
  • parmesan crisps
  • chickpeas roasted with olive oil, paprika or cayenne or curry and garlic
  • baked egg in avocado – half an avocado, crack egg in center, sprinkle with pepper, salt and cheese and bake until egg is cooked
  • devilled eggs
  • shrimp cocktail
  • black or green olives
  • toast made with gf bread
  • California rolls
  • potato puffs
  • tuna salad wrapped in lettuce
  • microwave s’mores using gf graham crackers
  • gf bacon wrapped dates – secure with a toothpick and bake
  • baby tomato, cheese and gherkin pickle on a toothpick
  • edamame beans
  • red and yellow peppers
  • pineapple slices
  • organic tortilla chips
  • gluten free sausage
  • four cheese rice crackers
  • orange slices
  • sushi
  • gluten free Granola Muffins
  • mini pizzas made on a gluten free English muffin
  • gf luncheon meat and cheese or cream cheese rolled in a gf tortilla
  • banana sliced down middle and filled with peanut or almond butter
  • pomegranate seeds
  • greek salad or quinoa greek salad
  • gluten free granola bars
  • gluten free brownies (Udi’s makes good ones and the mix from Bulk Barn is good too)

100 gluten free snack ideas

Click here to grab your printable list of gluten free snack ideas.

If you’re looking for gluten free meal ideas, we have a Gluten Free Freezer Meal Plan that includes recipes, shopping lists, prep lists, and printable labels. Having the meals made ahead eases another worry for me.

Filed Under: Cooking in the Chaos

Teaching Strong Sentence Writing

By Sharla Kostelyk

Writing is something that came fairly naturally to me but it doesn’t seem to for a few of my children. This makes it a challenge for me to help them learn in a way that will be effective but still fun. There are two main ways that I have been working with my kids on improving their sentence writing. It has made a world of difference!

Creative and fun ways to teach strong sentence writing skills to kids.Image Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

The first method involves this little gem of a book, Write a Super Sentence, which is so easy to use and yet can make a huge improvement in your kids’ sentence writing. It has also been great practise for their brainstorming skills. This is how we use this book:

I write out the sentence arrangement on the white board and in brackets underneath the blanks, write what the word or phrase should be (noun, verb, adjective, etc.). We then discuss what an adjective (or adverb or noun or whatever) is and then we go about brainstorming for each of the missing spaces in the sentence.

We also discuss ways that the kids can go even further with the exercise and change even the words that are there. (You can see an example of this in the first picture where the word “grandfather” also has the words “Opa” and “Papa” written above it.)

The kids then take their worksheet page (photocopied out of the Super Sentences book) and complete the sentence using any of the words or phrases that we brainstormed together.

The brainstorming is a lot of fun because I don’t have a lot of rules for what they can call out. They say all kinds of silly words and I write them all down so they can later make their sentences be quite funny if they choose.

The second method involves a poster board and a stack of index cards. On the poster board, you make a simple sentence outline. examples are:

The (blank) (blank) (blank) (blank).

The (blank) (blank) on the (blank) (blank).

You can customize this by filling in the type of words required such as:

The (noun) (verb) (adverb).

The (adjective) (noun) (verb).

Homemade Mad LibsOn the back of the index cards, you write the category (adjective, noun, verb, adverb) and on the front, either you or your kids write corresponding words. It’s of course another learning opportunity to have the kids choose the words and write them out.

Stack the words into their group and pile them so that only the category shows. You have now created a homemade giant game of Mad Libs!

Obviously, flipping the cards over to reveal the sentences is the fun part of the game! My kids get a kick out of reading things like “The scrumptious cat sung.” “The parakeet phoned swiftly.” and “She ate strong Fred.”

Notes to consider when making this game:

  • Sharpie markers show through the index cards (as you can see from my pictures!) so use regular markers or crayons.
  • Write verbs in the past tense so that the sentences flow properly.
  • Allow the kids total creativity when writing the words. If you have boys, this will mean that words such as “poo” and “stinky” will be in the pile!
  • You can expand this activity to create much longer and more complex sentences.
  • For younger ones, have them dictate the word ideas to you to write out but the child can still be the ones to place the cards on the “game board” and flip them over.

If you are looking for other engaging education ideas, you may want to subscribe to my email newsletter or follow my Homeschooling board on Pinterest.

Follow Sharla Kostelyk’s board Homeschooling on Pinterest.

Filed Under: Homeschooling

10 Children’s Books With Surprise Endings

10 Children's Books with Surprise Endings

By Sharla Kostelyk

We recently found a book that I used to read to our older kids when they were younger and the kids and I have been reading it almost every day since then. What makes the book so much fun is the surprise ending!

10 Children's Books with Surprise Endings

The book is called Under the Bed and when you’re first reading it, it seems like a regular read-aloud book about a young bear who comes in and wakes up his dad to tell him that there’s a monster under the bed. As a parent, it’s easy to relate to the exasperation the daddy bear feels as he tries to talk his son into going back to bed. He tries to convince him of course that there is no monster under his bed. I don’t want to give away the surprise ending, but it’s one that makes my kids giggle!

I remember the first time I read it to my older kids when they were little and now it’s fun to read to my younger ones.

Here are some other books that we enjoy that have surprise endings (though maybe none as surprising as Under the Bed!):

The Monster at the End of This BookThe Monster at the End of This BookThe True Story of the Three Little PigsThe True Story of the Three Little PigsExtra YarnExtra YarnClick, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type (A Click, Clack Book)Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type (A Click, Clack Book)Under the BedUnder the BedThe DotThe DotI'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean!I’m the Biggest Thing in the Ocean!The Paper Bag Princess (Munsch for Kids)The Paper Bag Princess (Munsch for Kids)The Children Who Loved BooksThe Children Who Loved BooksLeah's PonyLeah’s Pony

Children's Books with Surprise EndingsWhat are your favourite children’s books with unexpected endings?

Filed Under: Homeschooling

Simple Sewing Busy Bag

By Sharla Kostelyk

The best kinds of activities are the ones that don’t take a lot of money, planning or supplies because they are the ones that are actually feasible for most moms to do. I spend time on Pinterest finding awesome crafts and activities to do with my kids but I know from experience that the ones that I’m going to have to go out and buy a lot of supplies for or spend an hour doing prep work for aren’t likely to actually happen.

Simple Sewing Busy Bag

This simple sewing busy bag only needs a few items to assemble.

Materials needed:

  • yarn
  • plastic sewing needles
  • styrofoam plates
  • large resealable bag

To create this busy bag, put a few foam plates in a resealable bag with two or three plastic sewing needles.  Cut some lengths of yarn, some shorter, some longer and add them into the bag as well. Seal the bag and the activity is ready for your child.

Not only is this a nice quiet activity that can be used to keep your child busy in a waiting room, in the car or while older kids are homeschooling, this also teaches early sewing skills.

Simple Sewing with a Busy BagDepending on the age of your child, you may have to help them get started with this activity by demonstrating how to thread the needle and by putting a knot in the end of it (older children can easily do this by themselves). You can then show them how to sew by poking the threaded needle through the back of the plate and coming down through the front of the plate.

Younger children can “sew” random lines on the plate, creating a bit of a spiderweb look while older children can practise smaller stitches and sewing in a straight line.

Sewing Foam Plate Busy BagOur daughter Dancing Queen began by sewing large overlapping lines on the first plate but as her confidence grew, she tried smaller stitches next to each other to form lines on later plates. She was really proud of her efforts!

If you are looking for more busy bag ideas, you may be interested in following my Activity Bags board on Pinterest.

Follow Sharla Kostelyk’s board Activity Bags on Pinterest.

3 Busy Bags with Popsicle Sticks

5 Busy Bags with Pipe Cleaners

7 Busy Bags for Learning Colours

7 Busy Bags with Paint Chips

Filed Under: Busy Bags, Crafts and Activities

My Victim Impact Statement

By Sharla Kostelyk

Today my Victim Impact Statement was read in a courtroom that I was not present in. At the time that it was being read, I was halfway across the country, reading my kids a chapter book in our dining room while we had a tea party complete with cute little tea sandwiches. It’s hard for me to reconcile those two things.

My Victim Impact Statement on behalf of my children

No one ever wants to be a victim and no parent ever wants their children to be one. In my case, I wrote my statement because while I was a victim, the real victims in this case were two of my children. As their mom, it’s up to me to stand up and represent them because they are not yet old enough to do it themselves.

The sentence in the case has been handed down and I am left wondering if any sentence would have brought closure. While certainly it can be said that the result of the court case was disappointing, I have been playing out different outcomes in my head and trying to imagine how each would feel and not one seems to take away the sting.

Now that the legal portion of this case is over, nothing in our everyday life changes. We continue to be affected daily by the behaviours and fears of our children as a result of the trauma they endured. I don’t know if there is a way to find justice for that. House arrest seems like a far cry from justice though. (her full sentence details are here)

a bit of backstory for those not familiar with our story. It’s long and complicated, so long and complicated in fact that I wrote a book about it!

But the very short version is that in 2009, the adoption agency, Imagine Adoption, that we were using for our Ethiopian adoption went bankrupt, stranding two of our kids in Ethiopia at their orphanage. The orphanage had been running out of food for at least six weeks, the staff had not been paid, there was no money for gas or medical care for the kids. Our kids had gone hungry (one small meal of a simple grain a day for six weeks), were scared and confused and when we found out, it was five months before we were supposed to get our visa to allow us to bring them home so we had to fight to get them home.

Unfortunately, the bankruptcy occurred amidst rumours of corruption and fraud, in particular by the woman at the head of the agency, Susan Hayhow. We had entrusted her with the care of our children and she used the money (ours and the money of others) to pay for personal expenses such as cosmetic surgery, luxury cars, trips, home renovations, high end clothing, and a horse. It’s hard to feel at peace with my son not getting medical attention for a serious cut on his face and our son and daughter starving when I think about those purchases.

My Victim Impact Statement on behalf of my children

This is a portion of the Victim Impact Statement that I gave the court in the criminal case against Susan Hayhow: (The first part of the statement dealt with specifics about our children’s ongoing therapies, trauma and the financial impact on our family so I have left that part out.)

The term “victim impact statement” is a hard one to swallow. As a parent, you want to do everything in your power to ensure that your children are never victims. Ironically, in trying to save the lives of two children in Ethiopia, I entrusted the person about whom I am now composing this victim impact statement for their safety.

My children will not be victims forever. They will be victors. We will focus on the amazing miracles that came from what could have been a far worse tragedy: the 43 children who came home to their new families and the more than one hundred who have come home since because of the determination and strength of truly amazing people who ensured that Imagine Adoption would rise from the ashes.

On behalf of my still hurting children, E. and S. I would like to say to Susan Hayhow: “I forgive you. I hope you rise above your past decisions and do something to truly pay back the families and children who were hurt by your actions. Pay us back by making a positive impact. Do not allow the suffering our children went through to be in vain. Your life is not over with this sentencing. There is still time to take what you have learned and make different choices. Choose good over evil. Choose love over hate. Choose right over wrong. Choose people over greed. Be the person we thought you were when we entrusted our precious children to you. I would like to someday be able to tell my children that due in part to their forgiveness, you have been able to move on and serve the community and that you will never hurt anyone again. Live a life worthy of that.”

Things No One Tells You About International Adoption

That These Two Will Live by Sharla Kostelyk

Filed Under: Adoption, Parenting in the Chaos

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