Last week, our son experienced a scary and disturbing incident where not only did four unknown older boys gang up and throw rocks at him, they also flung a racial slur at him as well that hurt far worse than rocks ever could.

You can read the full incident here. I wrote about it that night because I was so upset that I couldn’t sleep and I often process things better through writing.

The following day, I posted the article on my blog and people began to share it on their Facebook pages. It spread quickly, particularly locally and strangers sent messages of support and love.

Mothers and fathers responded by saying that what happened inspired them to have an honest discussion with their kids about racism. For many, it was the first time they had spoken about this topic to their kids. Some of them read what I wrote to their kids directly and talked about how racism is never okay and even addressed what to do if you see it happening to someone. That meant so much to us.

I read many of the comments and private messages I received to my son and at one point, he said to me, “mom, if this had to happen to somebody, I’m glad it was to me because my mom’s a writer and now people are going to know that this isn’t ok”. It was a humbling moment for me to see just how beautiful my boy’s heart is.

The day of “the incident”, my son had also lost money from his pocket that he had been planning on spending at the bookstore and the chain on his bike had broken.

After reading about what happened to him, our community stepped up to show him that he is loved and that the hatred that he experienced that day is not shared by the majority of people.

One woman who read about his experience arranged with the bike shop to pay for his chain to be replaced.

Another anonymous woman who has never met our family (to my knowledge anyway!), gave him a beautiful card and a gift card to Starbucks and a gift card to the bookstore.

A friend of mine shared our story with one of the councillors for the County that we live in and he spoke to me over the phone and offered to help in any way he could. He also arranged to have me bring the kids in for a tour of the County government offices.

When we arrived, we were treated like royalty. He, along with our division councillor met with us in a boardroom (the kids loved the fancy chairs that could ride up and down and spin around!) and shook our kids’ hands and sat them down to chat. They explained that what happened to him is unacceptable and expressed how impressed they were at how he had handled it and gave their sincere apologies at what he had gone through. They reiterated that what was expressed that day is not how most people in our community feel. They presented him with gifts including gift cards to the bookstore, a book, a bluetooth speaker, and a handwritten card from the Mayor. They were incredibly gracious.

We were then taken on a tour of both the new and old Council Chambers and the kids got to sit in the chairs of the Mayor and councillors and have a debate about whether we should have apple pie or pumpkin pie for dessert before putting it to a vote. This of course made my homeschool momma heart soar with satisfaction as surely this counted as our homeschool field trip for the week!

I would like to say “thank you” to all those who have reached out to show my son that people care. Your words whether through private messages or public comments or emails or phone calls mean a lot to us.

Thank you to those who took something bad and used it for good by having a conversation about racism with your family.

Thank you to those who did something to demonstrate to our son that he is loved and that he is worth something. It touched our hearts.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” ~ Romans 8:28

It’s hard to believe it’s only been one week since “the incident” happened. In some ways, we are forever changed, not just because we lost a bit of our innocence that day, but also because we’ve been so moved by the response.

Last Tuesday, our family and more specifically, our son, experienced hatred and saw a glimpse of evil. But love trumps all.

Strangers and friends banded together to show our son that he is loved and worthy of respect. Our community demonstrated that love is stronger and that one person at a time, hearts can be changed. Parents got the conversation started with their children. People showed generosity and grace. Love flooded in.

Kindness wins.

Today my Victim Impact Statement was read in a courtroom that I was not present in. At the time that it was being read, I was halfway across the country, reading my kids a chapter book in our dining room while we had a tea party complete with cute little tea sandwiches. It’s hard for me to reconcile those two things.

No one ever wants to be a victim and no parent ever wants their children to be one. In my case, I wrote my statement because while I was a victim, the real victims in this case were two of my children. As their mom, it’s up to me to stand up and represent them because they are not yet old enough to do it themselves.

The sentence in the case has been handed down and I am left wondering if any sentence would have brought closure. While certainly it can be said that the result of the court case was disappointing, I have been playing out different outcomes in my head and trying to imagine how each would feel and not one seems to take away the sting.

Now that the legal portion of this case is over, nothing in our everyday life changes. We continue to be affected daily by the behaviours and fears of our children as a result of the trauma they endured. I don’t know if there is a way to find justice for that. House arrest seems like a far cry from justice though. (her full sentence details are here)

a bit of backstory for those not familiar with our story. It’s long and complicated, so long and complicated in fact that I wrote a book about it!

But the very short version is that in 2009, the adoption agency, Imagine Adoption, that we were using for our Ethiopian adoption went bankrupt, stranding two of our kids in Ethiopia at their orphanage. The orphanage had been running out of food for at least six weeks, the staff had not been paid, there was no money for gas or medical care for the kids. Our kids had gone hungry (one small meal of a simple grain a day for six weeks), were scared and confused and when we found out, it was five months before we were supposed to get our visa to allow us to bring them home so we had to fight to get them home.

Unfortunately, the bankruptcy occurred amidst rumours of corruption and fraud, in particular by the woman at the head of the agency, Susan Hayhow. We had entrusted her with the care of our children and she used the money (ours and the money of others) to pay for personal expenses such as cosmetic surgery, luxury cars, trips, home renovations, high end clothing, and a horse. It’s hard to feel at peace with my son not getting medical attention for a serious cut on his face and our son and daughter starving when I think about those purchases.

This is a portion of the Victim Impact Statement that I gave the court in the criminal case against Susan Hayhow: (The first part of the statement dealt with specifics about our children’s ongoing therapies, trauma and the financial impact on our family so I have left that part out.)

The term “victim impact statement” is a hard one to swallow. As a parent, you want to do everything in your power to ensure that your children are never victims. Ironically, in trying to save the lives of two children in Ethiopia, I entrusted the person about whom I am now composing this victim impact statement for their safety.

My children will not be victims forever. They will be victors. We will focus on the amazing miracles that came from what could have been a far worse tragedy: the 43 children who came home to their new families and the more than one hundred who have come home since because of the determination and strength of truly amazing people who ensured that Imagine Adoption would rise from the ashes.

On behalf of my still hurting children, E. and S. I would like to say to Susan Hayhow: “I forgive you. I hope you rise above your past decisions and do something to truly pay back the families and children who were hurt by your actions. Pay us back by making a positive impact. Do not allow the suffering our children went through to be in vain. Your life is not over with this sentencing. There is still time to take what you have learned and make different choices. Choose good over evil. Choose love over hate. Choose right over wrong. Choose people over greed. Be the person we thought you were when we entrusted our precious children to you. I would like to someday be able to tell my children that due in part to their forgiveness, you have been able to move on and serve the community and that you will never hurt anyone again. Live a life worthy of that.”